invisible

2007-11-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

why ?

2007-10-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

I went to the rabbi to get some advice. He said, "It is written, better to be a fool all your days than for one hour to be evil. You are not a fool. They are fools. For he who causes his neighbour to feel shame loses Paradise himself."

cracking apart.

2007-10-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

I AM BREAKING APART.

this is horrible.
i feel like every part of my body have been torn apart.
i feel so so so much pain and ive no idea why im feelg this way.
yvette ! gosh please i need to talk to you like n o w ! /:

ooookay, guess everything's just messed up now and im lookg forward for Amplify.
i need to be brought back into that wonderful comfortable space where i can tell myself that God still loves me.
(he does, doesnt he ?)

i cant tell who the good ones are, who the bad ones are.
im so tired of trying, rlly tired.
anyhow, im already replaced.
so quick, so easily.
now who do i turn to ?
oookay, not say im made to feel important but i just like knowing that i have them around.
sigh, guess it's too late.

& stop making me feel extra lousy.
it's not helping, really.
im feeling lousy enough and i need more reassurance.
i dont need you to keep bringing me down.

ahhh, i need to talk to carissa !
i need to fill you in with lots & lots now that youre done with your camp.
guess i feel only certain people can really really relate to.
so so few of the many friends around me.

Everyone needs compassion, the kindness of a Saviour.
Let mercy fall on me.

regrets i've a few.

2007-09-01T02:50:00.000-07:00

REGRETS I'VE A FEW.

couldnt understand why.

couldnt give myself an answer.

the heavy heart,

the heavy burden,

i'll carry with me as i leave.

jus give me that one chance to undo it.

i'll come back.

my grandma (:

2007-08-17T03:06:00.000-07:00

was just thinking about the english oral topic today. then it hit me. it felt amazing, but at the same time too overwhelming. i fear that after thinking through everything, i'd forget them all. i dont want to forget them. -crosses fingers.

i didnt think all that happened would mean so so so much to me. i realised that many of my character traits had not only came from my parents but from her, my grandma(: she taught me so many things that i think without her i'd be such a loser and a cacat rubbish. everything's just flashing through my head now. im shocked that i can even remember such information. they're as clear as crystal flying through my head right as im typing this post.

the inside of the house, the aircon that i always switch on, the toilet that i spend so much time in, the running treadmill, the small little table we eat at. goodness, i feel like im inside the house right now. it's just amazing. ive never thought about all these before and it's only now that i realise all these memories have been kept so close to my heart. if i had a choice, i'd still choose growing up with my grandma. being sent to my grandma's place every morning before my dad goes to work (which meant that i had to wake up exceptionally early) was not dreadful at all. blessing in disguise huh. small little sacrifices like waking up early was exchanged for big big big presents that cant even be compared with those little sacrifices.

honestly, i feel that im not making any sense. i mean everything's not being processed and i find it so difficult to express all my thoughts. it's just like a movie playing in my head now. how i wish there's a connector that can help transfer all these thoughts into the computer and change them all into words. all that's in my head now are pictures, oh ! those wonderful pictures. some frozen, some moving (like those in Harry Potter).

my grandma played such a big and important role in making me who i am today. thank you mama (: i guess you wouldnt understand all that im feeling now. it's probably difficult for one to connect and feel the way im feeling now. i dont blame you (:

she taught me how to cycle, how to play badminton, how to bowl, how to swing on the swing myself, how to climb the monkeybars etc etc etc. i think i would be such a loser if not for her ! i'll never forget how she stands behind us, holding on to the back of the bike trying to help us cycle straight. heh(: thinking back, she wasnt that young ! haha ! i remember her trying so hard to run after us, run as we were on the bike cycling. gosh. such an amazing grandma !

i learnt how good marmite tastes ! i learnt how to eat soyasauce with rice-plain. i learnt the art of colouring. yes, my grandma rocks at colouring okayy ! :D yay for her ! she taught us how to dance the tango and the cha cha chas. she was such an amazing dancer. (she won many many awards. she was a dancer last time okay ! powerrrr right ?) she knew how to make glue. yes, make them. she'd stir this and that together and bam ! glue(: it's so sad that right now she cant remember how to make the glue. it's a wonderful memory that i hope to relive, but she cant remember how to ): guess it's my fault for not taken the effort to remember.

she taught me how to climb on top of the monkey bars, swing down from the monkey bars, hang upside down too ! she's just the coolest, really. the little 'mountain climbing' things they have at the playgrounds used to seem big&huge. she taught me how to climb those things. wow, come to think of it, she taught me alot of things. -shocked.

those wonderful family outings. the five families together, going to Sabah&Australia. Australia was just the best place huh. it was simply the best holiday. yes, i've been to many wonderful places but it's one of those holidays that i remember so clearly. the super uncletay who was the only one who dared going out into the cold winter wind while the rest of us stayed in the airport terminal (while waiting for the minivan). the opening of the wrong door and how the guest woke up and opened the door. heh ! the play-cooking time my cousins&i had while the rest went out for supper. we had Chicken Porridge for supper, cooked by my grandma. i think i've never tasted better Chicken Porridge !

the farm stay, the Margaret River, the many different places we went together. the Addidi-Adidas models (: the Kikoman Special Soya Sauce. the open attic with beds, the midnight movie and icecream after. omg, you should try going on a holiday with all your cousins ! i remember so vividly.

my grandma's just the best. she's the one who calls up and checks on me etc. ahhh (: it's so sad that the number of times we've met has decreased so so much. now talking to her so little means that ive forgotten many many teochew words. i find it so hard to construct a proper sentence when im talking to her. ahhh ): it's sad, it's sad.

many many thoughts have been running through my head. the many memories that ive kept close to my heart without me knowing have been triggered cos of that oral topic. if i was asked a question that required me to talk about these memories, i'd cry infront of the examiners. i think it's something i treasure so much and something i'm trying to save. i've been pushing for more family holidays but it's difficult to have since everyone's now older. different school holidays, difficult to get leave from work. many many things that has now stopped us from going for a family holiday. but definitely, i'll not forget the wonderful trips we've gone for. it brought all of us closer together and guess that's why we cousins are so close.

i wonder what will happen on the day everything is lost. i dont want to look back thinking that i've wasted precious time and think of the times we could've done this&that. or maybe we should've done this&that. i dont even want to think of the day i'd feel such overwhelming grief and sadness.

In everything, give thanks ! and yes, this is something i treasure and something i'd never stop giving thanks to God for. Praise the Lord with all my heart, praise him for he has done great things !

I LOVE YOU GRANDMA (:

NI SHI SHANG DI GEI WO DE SHEN MING TIAN SHI.

AI SI NI LE ! <3333

no more.

2007-08-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

just visited cho's blog. saw the many pictures we took yesterday during our board meetting cum goodbye session. thinking back, i cant imagine how lucky i am to be given this wonderful chance to lead a board, to lead a school.

the wonderful memories, the wonderful people i've met. wow, nothing can ever replace that. of course, i treasured my psl days. i'll never forget them ! but the days in council have also been amazing. guess my secondary school times would be one of the most amazing phases of my life.

never have thought that we'd cry on stage. that was quite drama (: but it showed how much effort we had put into council. one whole year of ups and downs, the many Tuna-snack recess meetings and all the early mornings ! goodness, there's just so many things that even if i was given a chance, i would not have exchanged it for anything.

those little babies that have journeyed with us through this crazy year are precious to me. looking at them cry yesterday (especially lia!) really showed me that council did mean something to them.

thank you all for everything ! if not for you guys, this year wouldnt have been such a memorable year. keep working hard ! dont give up. all of you have proven yourself worthy of being the Students' Council. continue being great servant leaders ! may you do your duties from the bottom of your heart. keep improving and give all you can. be the best that you can be.

leslie, dont give up. you have what it takes ! keep going. keep going. (: you've done so much for council even tho you came in much later than the others. thank you for that.

lailin, keep that cheery self ! there's this sudden burst of joy overflowing from you. all of a sudden im seeing you so happy and free ! thats what i want you to feel when you're in council. dont think of it as a chore yeah ! have fun just go all out and have fun. thank you for everything !

anne&heidi, like i said, i really like it when i see the two of you working together. maybe it's from the psl days when you guys were always together. i always feel so happy when i see both of you discussing work. anne, voice your comments. dont keep it in. you've very good suggestions and council needs your opinions kay. heidi, dont let the smile on your face fade away. it's going to be a demanding year but dont forget to have fun. dont let the stress get you down. to the both of you, all the best ! lead the council to the best of your ability !

sherilyn, congrats on being the President ! it's going to be one crazy year but i have faith in you (: may your cheery self be of help ! share the joy and passion with the others. lead welll !

TO MY DEAREST EXCOS (:
thank you thank you. there's so many things that happened in this year. i cant believe a whole year has passed, rlly. you mean we survived all the Tuna-snack meetings, the late online meetings and the many many others ? heh. it's really been amazing.

thank you for the never-ending support you've given me even tho sometimes i feel i dont deserve it. thank you for the wake-up calls that you guys give me even tho sometimes it feels like my heart's been pierced right through. i'll never forget the KFC lunchings, the gossip sessions and the 'lets-go-crazy' times. of course, camwhoring moments !

and for the two that helped me fit right into council when i first started:

cho, thank you for always being there. even tho we've been talking much less than we did last time, thank you for always reassuring me that you're there. i treasure our friendship millions and i'll never want to lose it. thank you for always been so compromising and accepting. there's just a million and one things i want to thank you for. really. but i guess i just cant put them into words. can the tears flowing down my face right at this moment speak for me ? can we turn back the clock ? i love you ! <3333

jia, you've always been the crazy and lame one that gets us all into the happy mood. and for that i've to thank you. you never fail to share your joy with others. guess i'll never be able to be like you ! stay strong (: i like the times you cry. dont get me wrong, but because thats when i know how you truly feel. you're one who keeps a strong front and when you let your tears flow, i feel they're really genuine. thank you for being you. loves !

both of you were the ones who supported and guided me when i first started. it was the both of you that gave me so much support and pulled me up whenever i fell. as you improved, both of you had brought me along so that i'll be able to step up and improve too. for that, thank you ! guess many things happened in between, we've drifted and we've been speaking less. but the days of singing together, the many sharing sessions will always be remembered. whenever i talk to you guys, the old days will always be replaying in my head. weird (: but i really treasure those amazing days !

there're so many things i'd like to share with you guys. but guess it's so difficult to find time to stay back till school closes. lets go kboxing! cho, i need your advice for so many things but guess recently all we've had time for was council. now that it's all over, lets hope things go back to how it was.

to the others who've shaped me, who've guided me along, thank you. this i say from the bottom of my heart. you guys have been so amazing and this short journey with you guys would be brought along with me as i continue my life journey.

once a Kc Student Councillor, always a Kc Student Councillor.

i am a Kc Student Councillor.
Cheers to the 1st Students' Council

HELP (:

2007-07-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

it's been only one week of school and it feels like forever.

but it's been great fun sitting with qin ai de :D you've no idea how much noise we make and how crazy we get in class. and boy ! i absolutely enjoy annoying her ! i need to get that tattoo ! never imagined that we would be so crazy together.
thankyou for those pictures ! it's so sweeeet.

it's been a great week knowing that 166/173 is always there for us to run and complain to. but that bummer is always so tired so we'll leave her alone sometimes (:

Mass Dance was wow. i cant wait for the next time we learn the continuation. it's the best thing(: dance dance !

Amplify Fridays have been excellent. the company's great, the praise&worship is great, the food's great and being able to feel the Holy Spirit surrounding the room is wow. the crazy Hospitality team are still as crazy as ever ! those people make the atmosphere lighter (: much thanks ! <3

guess i really felt the whole different atmosphere. i've always known that it's been easier, it's been less pressurizing with them. but it was yesterday(during the bbq) that i really really experienced the amazing wonderful difference. i could be me. i didnt have to fake, i didnt have to lie about anything. i didnt have to worry about fitting in. i just said and did whatever was me. nothing was wrong at all (: thats the coolest thing. things that worried me so much with the other group was nothing with them. it's not that the other group is bad, dont get me wrong. the other group's as great. the company is great too. but it's difficult on the other side. there're so many more things to worry about. the whole drama, everything. (it's difficult to express it) guess i really feel so easy&happy with these people. gosh, it was just great. the sharing session, the lil praise&worship session, the swimming pool soccer, the swimming pool monkey. it was just woahhh(:

the best part is, i dont feel 'obliged' to do anything with these people. i dont feel that extra baggage that i thought i might have to carry around when i joined them. it was so different. with these people, i felt even lighter. they helped me carry my baggages, to let go of 'em. thank you babes&dudes ! the new friends ive made(: lollipop ! caroline ! and of course the other facils etc (: whatever happens, i guess i know these people are always supporting and pulling me up. the constant 'checking up', the weekly meetings and fellowship is good, rlly good.

of course, i still treasure the friendships i made with the other group (: they're still as great. just that the drama's kinda becoming this 'wall' thats blocking us out from each other. there's always this 'distance' that i feel. there's always this choice to make. the many many choices thrown onto me. it's either you cross over the wall and remain there, leaving the rest of the world on the other side. or, stay where you are and leave the other group on the other side of the wall. haha. shhite, im making it sound so bad. but guess maybe it is ? -oooppps. (reflecting on the drama and everything thats been going on)

hmm, i should just stop comparing. i like things the way they are now. some might not like it, but i feel happy&contented. things are going well even though i've still 45 literature essays to complete. /: yes crystal, JUST 45 :D alright.

i need to thank crystal, officially (: the many many sacrifices she does for her friends. the wonderful laughter & joy she brings everyday. (she helps me stay awake during chem&math tuition and in school !) it's been great having her around. thank you T-bag dear (:
in burning light, the plan is laid.

if you love me i wanna know !

Youth in the Spirit Seminar

2007-06-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

yay judeeeee (:

"straight ahead ! straight ahead!" -winks at pris & vic !

yiss was wow ! i really have no idea how to express it. i mean, im thinking of words that can describe the feeling i have but all the words do not seem to express the real feeling i have. heh. the words seem so small and meaningless. okay lets just say it was an amazing experience.
you'll never imagine how afraid i was until i met russell at CSC. he totally introduced me to the whole world (okay yes im exaggerating). thats when i met Rebecca, Cheryl(my facil) and many many others. went to register and met Antonia (laughs and coughs). she was so bubbblllyyy. heh (: she was the one who called me regarding the camp and i couldnt get her name right. okay i wont go into so much detail but i tell you, the hospitality people are really really hospitable ! :D love you guys ! and yes, Winston ! haha. he was some crazy guy who just came(: hilarious. thankyou people !

i wont start telling you what happened in detail. that whole testimony thing, gosh im quite freaked out about it. i dont know how i actually could feel & hear such stuff. and russ, sorry about the cheesiness of it all. thats what i felt and eeeee, i've no idea why ! haha. and beckyy ! yo babe(: you totally calmed and soothed me. thankyou !

alright, im still really overwhelmed by everything that happened. i know it's going to go away soon enough but i've just gotta try to stay on the right path. man, i've never felt so freeeee. heh. i hope everyone who went for the camp felt as good.

HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY (:

to all the father's out there !

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BECKY (:

you know i love you babe ! thanks for everything.

would just like to give a shout out to russ !

thankyou, rlly. the camp wouldnt have been so wow if not for you.

you being there was comforting.

at least i knew i had someone to turn to when i felt lost.

that 45min quiet time talk extended long (:

and ahem, it's just funny when i think about everything we talked about.

-coughs :D

good luck at that ! you know i think it's cool (:

ask and you shall receive.

family conference

2007-06-11T07:54:00.001-07:00

i told myself never to walk that path again. but yet, i did.

how dumb ?

but i did it so that i could get home fast. i needed to come home for my family conference (: sounds good ?

yes, my family's split into many many different places. it's difficult for us to organise such conferences so i guess this time, it was important. (at least to me it was) i used my phone cos i knew didi needed to go off soon, and i couldnt wait to get home. not that ive alot of money. ohbut wait, youre paying the bill arent you mummy ! :D

you know, when your family is split up in many many places, your heart & your mind has got to work together. your heart will tell your mind what you need the most (at that point in time) then your mind just kind of pictures the scene. imagines it happening. nothing will happen if your heart doesnt try to feel tho. it's difficult for both to connect, but just imagine... when your heart & your mind actually do connect, the feeling is amazing.

but i guess it's tough for you to be able to feel what your mind's thinking if you've not actually felt it before. confusing ? heh. okay lets see... for example, everytime im feeling down & i just need someone there to comfort me, i'll picture my mum(grace) patting my head. just soothing me. gosh it rlly feels good okay. and i guess i can literally feel her patting me, and all my worries just leave me (at least for a while).

it's easier for me to be able to feel her patting me, soothing me cos she has done it before. and i tell you, the feeling hasnt left. you know what i mean ? everytime i picture it in my head, i literally can feel it like as if she was rlly there to pat me. haha. okay im weird.

maybe it's just in the blood, you know what i mean ? can feeellll each other. heh (:
i still love you even tho i dont feel it's the right time to tell you about the blog entry ! heh.

nobody said it was easy

do you know how to touch a girl?

2007-06-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

repress : suppress, keep (emotions) from finding an outlet.

i was given the task of finding the meaning of that word.

why am i so affected ?

im not making sense. im a complicating person. officially.

they are all ultimately alone.
somehow they remind me of me.

i speak with my heart

2007-06-08T05:07:00.000-07:00

omg im looking at the photos that i took with my friends when we were at sentosa. i feel so retarded laughing to myself. i cant stop laughing. vic's making a fool out of herself with her standing broad jump positions, her "cant act dao" look :D imagine me laughing. gawd(:

we were camwhoring at sentosa, as usual. it was real fun there i guess. even tho i was tired out from the outing with my family, i had crystal & gang there who never failed to make me laugh until my stomach ached. bad. haha(: i was thinking of posting up the pictures but my, i'm too lazy to do so. i'll think about it. i want to go back to Prison Break.

wednesday is probably going to be one of those times i'll remember. i went out with my family. ohboy, it's been a long time. guess im really one who just feels. takes it all in. i dont say much. i enjoyed myself through & through. being with you guys were enough. i had new names. long names. sabrina tried gong gongs for the first time. that was good(: went Ikea and met that boy ! he is cute. he was so oblivious to the fact that I was looking at him. /:

Pasir Ris Park was the funnest thing ever. guess we had a deprived childhood. the climbing, the swinging. Everything ! (but thats why my whole body is aching now ! i so didnt stretch !) i think that was the best time. just quietly swinging, filling each other in with stories that we all missed out through the past few months. my, thats what i like best dont i ? just the quiet sharing sessions. thats what i learnt about myself.

didi & i tried writing something on the sand. but it was darkk, the sand was disgusting and we couldnt quite make out what we saw. so thats why we didnt show you. to know that you'll be touched to see it is more than enough(: i went to sentosa and i did it when there was sunlight. so it came out nice. i'll post it up for you.

what i dont get is how you can be so oblivious to whats going on around you.

now i understand why you dont quite get many many things.

stop questioning. ive no more answers for you.

i get very very affected by the smallest things. the most meaningless words can hurt me bad.

jokes and sarcasm are sometimes taken for real.

i dont know whats wrong with me. anyone care to share ?

what you said hurt. alot. alot. alot. lets say it hurt more cos it came from you.

but thats what i dont get about myself.

i jolly well know what you think of me but yet i get hurt.

-slaps myself.

i should not get affected cos i know what you said was true.

(at least thats what i think of myself)

i dont know who to believe.

you ? you ? you ? you ?

should i believe those that keeps my hopes up high, those that continue to encourage me

those that bring me down, those who continuously break and crush me.

gawd. i feel like a small ant.

i seem big & strong, i can carry loads that're i've no idea how much heavier than i am.

but yet, im so easily crushed. just like that. and im gone. gone for good.

i cant do anything. my confidence level is running low.

man, how insecure can i ever get ?

thank you for your assurance. but just that five words crushed me.

it came from her. and that made it worse. i rlly didnt expect her to say it.

it probably meant nothing to her. it was just five extra words to complete the damn sentence.

but ouch. that five words made me feel so so so so lousy.

it's still hurting, i dont think i'll ever forget it.

there's no way im ever gg to do what i used to do.

maybe in a big big big group when i can be hidden and when no one can ever spot me.

but now im afraid, now the thought of having more memories created with you guys scares me.

what kind of memories will that be, boy ! scary memories that will haunt me ?

more horrible words and phrases that will just come out of your mouth unnoticed ?

bleahh- i dont know you. did you mean what you said ?

of course you did. i know you did. i kinda considered everything. i think it meant something.

at least i know you did think of that. just that youve kept it inside.

BUT, tell me.

why do you put up a fake front then ?

just tell me. dont give me false hopes. dont give me face just cos you need to.

it was the worst time for me to find out the truth you know that ? the way you weaved it into the sentence.

gosh you're good. you're really good.

okay i'll give you the benefit of the doubt. you probably didnt even know you said it.

but ouch, something that seems so meaningless to you actually meant the world to me.

(worst is, it's not in a good way)

dont ever do such a thing again please.

and and and, i need to explain myself.

the reason was not because i didnt dare tell you.

it was because i wanted you to continue what you were doing. you seemed to be having fun. you love doing those things.

i know you do.

i didnt want to destroy your wonderful times.

i didnt want to spoil your perfect thingo.

i know if i went, everything'll just be destroyed. it wouldnt be the perfect thing you wanted.

(dont disagree. cos i know you know and we know that im making sense)

i know you guys want to console me, assure me. but because it came from her, i know it's the truth.

plus plus, it wasnt said once. it was said more than once.

not the same words, not at the same time but at least everything weaved together linked to make the picture so perfect.

everything made sense and each sentence provided more 'evidence'.

as a lit student, i ask myself why that word was chosen etc etc. and i guess it just shows that everything's true.

ouch, the truth hurts. i know myself, but ive been living in self-denial. i think i'd like to go back there.

those five words.

that sentence.

you'll never believe the major contrasting effect it had on me.

the first part of the sentence was so full of praise, it made me feel good about myself. at least i did something right.

then the five words came like arrows straight into my heart.

the words of praise, the way they looked up to me was no longer important.

they kind of got cancelled out ?

it was like as if it wasnt even said.

the five words took the whole meaning of the sentence.

it was the 'all-important' part of the sentence.

okay i dont think im making any sense at all.

you might not understand.

neither will you.

you is such a general word.

and for this, im happy.

there're zillions of you-s used here.

which you are you now ?

do you know how much i like using this small font ?

i've this feeling of calm & peace.

i think i'm rlly insecure.

i like hiding behind.

going away unnoticed.

but at times, i dont think thats true.

i like to be noticed & cared for.

im a confusing person. im contradicting myself.

honestly, i forgive you & you & you.

even i dont know myself.

how do i expect you to ?

i treasure you & you & you.

you dont know how much i'll do for you.

thats probably why im so hurt.

i think maybe it was a wrong choice.

i looked forward to it, but just got crushed instead.

for you:

you know why i dont tell you stuff ?

do you ever wonder ?

maybe you dont. maybe im not important to you as i thought i was.

sometimes, i just like people to agree with me.

even tho how much you think im wrong, just agree with me.

till im in a better state of mind to rationalise & think.

when im full of emotions, dont come trying to make sense.

i'll just shove you away.

guess thats whats been happening.

thats why i'd rather keep stuff to myself.

i pick what to tell you & what not to tell you.

maybe thats why you dont know me.

and thats where all these problems originate.

gawd. why's everything so confusing ? /:

i really didnt expect this post to come out like this but guess it did. guess i've not been able to shove those five words away. it was such secondary info, you know ? if it was such secondary info, could you have just kept it to yourself ? my, sorry im taking this tone with you.

okay, i need to go back to viewing my pictures from photobucket. it'll cheer me up. (hopefully) will crying help ?

i think i've been so busy with council and everything else. i dont know why but i suddenly feel ive drifted from many. and i'd like to thank ameerun for always being there for me even tho our outings are always 'post-poned' thanks to council. thank you :D i'll do many things for you too. (i missed some meeting for 173's outing) heh. and cho ! everytime we meet it's about council, miss those times we just sit down and chat. guess you've found ameerun. a person you can talk to(: thats good thats good. whenever you need me, im just a phone call away. oh wait, i forgot daryl too. okay, whenever none of them are free then.

guess im closer to vic&crystal in a way. maybe cos vic&i are typical romantics(: yes our quotes nonstop. crystal's my qin ai de ! im locked up by her. ive to seek her permission to go out. i'll probably stick by that. loves to you people <3

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worst?

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down on your face

And I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down on your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

i speak with my heart.

in you, in me, in us.

2007-06-03T04:07:00.000-07:00

i really have loads to rant about.

those two idiots. they were annoying. i think i've ran out of water to ever cry again. i dont know how i managed to continue carrying out the camp the next day. heh. but whatever to those two idiots.

i had my mummy to complain to. yay(: i really felt so good after complaining. thank you :D

i had the excos there for me. thank you :D

i had the concerned councillors there. thank you :D

i had wonderful supportive seniors who helped clean up the mess. thank you :D

guess without those two idiots spoiling everything, we wouldnt have realised how sweet the seniors were. you guys are amazing ! without the whole thing, the juniors might not have bonded with us as much. a blessing in disguise ?

i feel that we achieved what we wanted to achieve. so yay(: im sorry i didnt write affirmations to everyone. i really didnt have the time&energy to write anything.

i received warm fuzzys from some of you. thank you :D

to the juniors&trainees:
i hope that the talk cheryl&i did was useful. hope it'll help you in future !

in school i really thought i had so much i wanted to complain about. but guess after today, i didnt exactly feel the same hatred i felt towards them. of course, i think i'll still have this awkward tension with her but i dont think i hate her as much as i did that day. the feelings i had today were so wow that i think the feeling of anger is lost. yay for that !

i'd really like to thank the choir peeps ! esp. my family(: oh wait, almost all of you are my family. haha. okay that was retarded. but guess i feel comfortable around them at least. gosh, i miss you guys millions ! to hear you all come together to sing again was really ohmygosh-ing. haha. i dont know how to express the feelings i felt in words. sitting with the rest of the congregation and listening to each of you sing was _____________. and the entertainment was great. thanks to melvyn the slut :D haha. it was great. i sat in the black car. -claps&rejoices. haha.

oh, i just thought of someone else i need to thank. russell ! haha. for the trouble you went through to ask for the script ! thank you :D remember to count me in if you need people next year yah ! i'll try to help(:

okay, i'm feeling happy now. so i'm not ranting(:

hey you ! cheer up(: you cant be down cos youre the one i look for when im sad, remember ? so if youre down too, i cant look for you anymore. heh(: smile smile. glad that i managed to force a smile out of you just by sending that message. stay happy please. loves <3>

God is good :D -thinks of melvyn singing.

im still pissseeeddd.

2007-05-28T06:12:00.001-07:00

yes mummy, i've got your genes.

im still pissed. i thought i could push back all the thoughts but nooo, i just couldnt do it. i saw you in school and i felt like slapping you hard. okay, im turning cruel and evil. but i cant do anything now can i ? you totally spoilt your own image i had of you. some kind of caring person huh. take that and that and that and that. -keeps slapping and boxing you.

whats happening now ! i cant take the fact that you tell her. i dont understand why everyone is oblivious to everything thats going on around them ? dont you know that what you're doing is so hurting ? take her for example. it's her last year here. you've two more years in this school and you had to sit right ? you just had to. i mean, how selfish ? the disappointment she had was so obvious. dont tell me none of you saw it. gosh.

and i really cant take the fact that people just dont ever let you forget the past that you're trying so hard to forget. i know that it was her. we've spoken about our primary school days a million and one times already. even tho i've been dying to bring it up, i dont. i know how hurting it is, or how humiliating everything is. but guess you guys dont really know how much one tries to forget such stuff huh. everyone has some past that we try so hard to forget. guess there's no way to ever run away from it. it somehow catches up with you. /:

im getting so pissed & annoyed at every little thing thats happening around.

you not telling me.
you treating me like im dumb & stupid.
you showing your 'care & concern' by writing it down.
you asking 'innocent' questions not knowing how i feel.
you mixing with them.
you coming up with new 'policies'.
you not being bothered.
you always getting away with things.

the list just can go on and on.

ouch, i feel my heart hurting already.

i dont know if im upset, pissed, disappointed or. or. or. or. i really thought you were nice. i really looked up to you. but guess everything was destroyed huh. now who do i look up to ? you changed after you got your position. she says it's fine, you're of a higher authority. but HELLO ? you dont change just cos you've received a higher position. you dont go around bossing people just because you're of a higher position. so scoot and get lost. zhi ren zhi mian bu zhi xin.

you guys are lousy and you guys practice such double standards. so what if she* is one of your members ? that so doesnt give her* the right to break the rules ! so what if he*'s under your watchful eye ? that doesnt give him* the right to do whatever he wants ! that doesnt give you* the right to lie & constantly protect him. heeeellloooo ? so does this prove that everyone can also be so two-faced ? this is what youre teaching us. bleahh. get lost. get lost. i mean it, like nowwww !

mumster ! tell me that this is nothing but a dream. i'll wake up tomorrow and everything will go back to how it all was. oh i forgot, no A1 for chinese i cant go see you huh /: who cares, i still love you moreee <3

you dont know me.

2007-05-25T03:04:00.000-07:00

cant you idiots just get lost and get out of my life ?

dont try to act like you know me very well. cos i can safely say that you dont.

i know what you think. i've heard it from her. i went through that whole period of getting worked up about it, being bothered about it. i didnt expect you to even mention it.

i tried, did you even see it ? you didnt bother, did you ? i just knew you wouldnt.

of course, there's no one to blame. no one is at fault. but i dont see how it's my fault also. it's my style. you were happy with that thats why you agreed, didnt you ? you knew but now you're making a fuss out of it ? i dont see the logic. dont think you're so smart and excellent cos i can say you're not. you're not even people i look up to. you're not even someone who are excellent role models for me to follow. cos you dont know it, but i've heard how much people hate the way you work. so still think you're that great ? think again.

the question you posted to me. WHY. i've been asking myself this the whole time. i really dont understand WHY. why why why. i guess i just cant come up with any reason for you right now. but the combi was bad. i can really say it's bad.

who was the idiot who came up with this idea in the first place ? you the creator of problems. life is complicating enough. why couldnt you just let us be who we wanted to be ? instead of changing us to become someone we're not ?

damn ! am i pissed.

stop being such 'square' people can you ? you're supposed to learn how to be creative. everyone's emphasizing on the change. and that we should not follow what used to be done. we should change since everything's different. but hey ! this only happens when you want it to change. i dont feel it's fair. the more you say it's different, the more we should get a say in it. isnt it the right way ? you're calling the shots all the time. you're always right. thats bullshit im telling you. can you learn to listen ? maybe others have better ideas. it's so ironic how you keep emphasizing on the change when you keep thinking so 'square-ly' yourself. you're still thinking the old way. so what change are you even talking about ? i wasnt 'bred' in that manner just in case you forgot.

i thought of an example to elaborate but we'll leave this as it is.

plus today, you told me exactly what you wanted. she was there too. we questioned the effiency of it all. you said it'll be fine. when everything went as you said, you told me that we forgot about it. HELLO HELLO HELLO ? -slaps you. NOW DO YOU REMEMBER ? as usual, we're at fault yet again. hooray ?! she wasnt there to verify. i was there alone trying to tell you that i was hundred percent positive. yes, hundred percent. i totally couldnt take the way you kept saying you were right. damn it ! you made the mistake. but it's our fault ? or should i say my fault ? wth. whats this ! of course, since she wasnt there, i was seen as the 'bad guy'. (yet again) this so doesnt make any sense to me at all.

losing your memory ? i think everyone should start walking around with tape recorders. we so need to record every single thing thats said. to think i thought you were nice. oh puhlease. /:

i really need this whole venting session. whats this ! i dont see any logic at all. im pissed at you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and you. get lost. dont think you're all that great. cos you aint. ugh must you piss me off so so so so much ?

damn you ! im gg to close my eyes and count to three. when i open my eyes, you'd better vanish. one.... two....

im looking at my blog. 'run the redlights'. i wish i could do that. be like peyton, it helps a person relief stress maybe. the problems might just vanish. 'listen to your heart'. im listening to it. it hurts bad. it says cry. it's trying to find a way out too. help. im desperate.

GET LOST & DONT COME BACK.

hyper !

2007-05-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

went for ascension mass last night. it was so empty and i saw mexin and family. it was quite awkward though. but auntie, your singing not bad ah(: was looking up at the choir loft. it was dark&empty. was just wondering which choir would be singing. then i saw the usual people. the 11 oclock choir.

i started to smile when i saw philip, gladys & auntie ! ohboy ohboy. haha. the choir was soft, but i could hear grace's voice booming at the background. couldnt help but laugh. heh. met my dear family members after mass. gosh! they so made my day (: guess it really shows how much i miss them.

sahgu's contacts are nice.

the others were commenting how small it makes his eyes look. haha. (sahgu, dont listen to them ! i better taste !) heh. i need to go out with them soon. i miss my mummy, sahgu, zeegu and all the others ! ohman. that stupid sahgu made me so high yesterday.

so glad i got to talk to them ! ohboy ohboy.

but mass that night was eeyer. heh. so many booboos ! haha. it was quite funny though. and of course, mummy found it difficult to explain our relationship so she just went "it's complicating". haha. thats funny (:

guess im just so easily satisfied ! or maybe it's cos i didnt expect you* to do it. but you did(: thankyou for that.

and mass was funny. the priest couldnt stop emphasizing woRLd. the RL is emphasized so badly. haha. and he kept doing the 'T' sound at the back too ! haha. omg, thought of stupid yuenying's laughter and i kept trying to control my laughter.

oh yes. you grew taller ? not sure if thats such a good thing or not. and the fact that you bothered tells a lot ? heh.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MAMA (:

STAY FUN AND FUNKAYYE.

i so need to get my phone checked. ugh. bluetoothing is a problem right now. school starts tomorrow and i can already feel my world shattering all over again. sahgu ! help me.

cant thank you guys enough.

YAY (:

2007-05-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

mid yrs are ovvveerr !

overall, i did badly.

i'll never forget victoria. haha. arent you the greatest ? -wink wink. okay, i cant blame her. even though my perfect tradition was broken. i got cai. i dint know if she was stating a fact or asking me a question. but i think it's kinda good that i didnt get her*. it would probably be so embarrassing cos the topic was disgusting. so maybe i do love you vic ! haha. thanks for saving me (:

mother's day was fun. it was the usual family celebrations :D yay ! i absolutely love my relatives. it was thanks to them that the day just went great. watched Deal or No Deal. omg omg omg. what a show ! i cant take it. heh. the suspense etc. omg, all of us just couldnt take it. we were laughing and commenting that we should change the channel. but no one did ! haha. we were just laughing at how ridiculous it all looked. we were all placing bets on whether he'll choose Deal or No Deal. heh (: but duh, it'll be a No Deal ! haha. it's a friggin one hour show !

omg, my pri school tchers and ms ang msged me all of a sudden. i was shocked but of course, it was because of that thing that msfir did. heh. cacat lah (:

got to meet ameerun&deni in a bit. then meet dyanna&cho. heh (:

i love the rain. no one can see those tears falling from my eyes.

part of the world (:

2007-05-11T01:42:00.000-07:00

i'm struggling struggling. i've given up hope. my, will you come to my rescue ?

halfway through myes. and msfir left. my, horrible withdrawal symptoms are going to come. eeyer. /:

susan, i want my pizza ! haha. i actually improved okay. thanks to you of course :D must give you credit.

ohboy, i've amath and physics left. oh, ive orals too ! heh. and im glad the content heavy subjects are all OVER. hooray for that.

omg omg, im hooked on Hana Kimi. ahh, haha. wuzun lahhh. so going to start watching it after MYEs. i need my break !

im going to miss that mirror in school. everytime i walk past it, millions of memories are thrown back to me.

it's going to be forever to the next time im online.

to all mummy-s in the world, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :D

you guys are amazing people.

hey you, your turn will come soon (: next yr you can celebrate mother's day too. remember to invite us, the godsisters yes ? haha. we'll teach him well. -cough. haha. i want to be his fashion stylist. oOoOo. we'll teach him all the cool stuff we know ! he'll be in good hands. omg, hurry ! i absolutely adore babies. thankyou for being part of my life. your baby's gg to be one lucky kid (: love you !

alas !

2007-03-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

im back here.

it's really been a long time which goes to show what ? that teachers have been piling us with work and i've no time to come online. mymy, the work's really crazy. but i'm lucky enough to have bears. haha.

msfir's back msfir's back ! omg, it's so nice to see her walking along our class corridors. it so cheers me up !

today had penitential. it was a good one, i guess. but man, i miss mrj's short powerpoint slides before confession. he so makes us think, reflect. today wasnt that amazing. mswah didnt allow us to leave class early, so we totally missed the reflections part. bleahh-

i was feeling so down and sleepy during elective. it was only after elective when i saw shewhoshouldnotbenamed that i suddenly felt the sudden gush of energy. heh(: it was literature after so it was good that i was able to be alert. mymy, all thanks to cass i was extra alert. sweeet (x okay i can go on and on i tell you. wahaha :D

man, i so miss the track ! the stadium ! i want to run again. but guess Os have top priorities. btw, sorry stephanie and victoria for letting you down. i really wanted to get my spikes back out of the cupboard ! mymy. sorry again anyway. trackers went to CJC today. the same bus, the same air, the same noise. mymy. -shakes head. VICTORIAAH :D

im looking for new blogskins right now. im bored of this one ! heh. i'll blog another time. in another month maybe ? (:

save the environment people !

AT LAST (:

2007-02-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

people people((:

i didnt have the time to come online, to even touch the computer. i actually survived ! heh. of course i did, im superally(:

there's been a whole lot happening, i cant possibly type them all out here. but guess it's been really tough trying to juggle council and school work. my whole life is about schoolwork and council. man, whats new. i lead a boring life. haha(: im really glad to have my dear excos there for me tho ! we've had great fun complaining and screaming together in the council room.

mixed classes are different now. teachers tend to want us to sit in classes. eeyer. i used to have elective geography with cassandra, soekkhern and jiajia. now im right at the end of the class. but i like the wind and the space there. this makes it real difficult for the four of us to find time to talk. horrible. -shakes head. guess this seating arrangement wasnt that bad, i got to know victoria more. victoria victoria !

teachers have been talking about Olevels nonstop. the only teacher thats different is the one and only, thl. man, i cannot take it the minute she starts talking. i cant seem to control my tears. they just fall. omg mrsthl ! you're one amazing teacher. she's sarcastic, she's weird and eccentric but ohboy, she talks sense at least ! she talks about the friendships that we need to treasure and patch up. the little details (: of course, she brings in God. wow. inspiring. ahhh.

uhhuh. there's mrsl. i'll be busy doing my work, and i hear yy and steph's laughter. i didnt even need to pay attention and i know what they're laughing at. mrsl cannot pronounce variable resistor. haha. she goes var*~!$%$*^ resistor. ahaha LOLLS. she just squeezes everything together and says it. mrsl never fails to make yy and steph laugh with her pronounciation (:

my dear excos, you know deadhead ! haha. okay, that has been our codeword for about a month now. there's just this cool cool thing bout deadhead. ive no idea what it is but everytime when i see it, i'll feel like laughing. heh.

im done. many things left unsaid but never mind. haha. another time yeah ?

LOVES :D

problems problems.

2007-01-11T04:08:00.000-08:00

first, an apology to melissa aka cui ting. i didnt mean to not go, i didnt mean for it to turn out this way okay. i wanted to go but i had to prioritise, so i guess that wasnt my first priority. but thinking back, maybe i shouldve tried a little harder, plan properly. whats done is done. dont get mad. sorryyy /:

cari, at last we managed to talk. not for long, but at least i managed to clear one portion of what i wanted to tell you. you probably told me half of yours ? yes, we need to keep that day free. i need to talk to you, bad.

why's everything getting so out of control ?
i know im not very happy whats going on.
ive been wrecking my brains, thinking of what i should do to avoid having this problem.
but nothing's coming to me.
i feel it's the best i can do.
i know ive been lying to myself.
trying to find excuses so that i can feel better.
i need to know how to settle this.
im already being me.
if this is not working, it means everyone was wrong
it means ive to change and be someone who im not.
and let me make this clear, i am not going to do that.

im trying to push myself, i think it's already to the limit.
i feel my energy dying off.
im not getting any time for myself at all.
stop giving us homework.

ran/walked in the rain with cho today. i really miss those times when we actually had so much fun together. guess the rain came at a great time. tjoe cho and i were wet. cho and i, drenched. the rain didnt even matter at all. we were laughing and having so much fun. man, those wonderful times. i just love the rain. the rain always creates these great memories. i once ran in the rain with kitty and charmain.

i love the rain.

i read something. it really meant so much to me. i read it over and over again. it was a pushing force and such a reassuring thing. man, i feel safe and protected. now there's no need to worry. i know how you think, so thats one less thing to worry about. phew~

trish, the ideal man's almost impossible to find here. it'll only happen in made-up scenes and in your dreams. why not let that man be your imaginary friend ? :D cheeries.

we need to talk. you you you and i.

love.

2007-01-08T04:34:00.000-08:00

during chinese, we learn all about love.
thanks to foo(:
i cannot sit beside cass during this chapter :D
thank goodness its over.

housekeeping matters throughout the week.
ive handed in my math homework.
dont kill me please.

i just love the excos.
i just love the way andrea screams her head off.
i just love the way cheryl screams back at us. zaiii can !
lets have more venting sessions, they're good for us.

how i miss mrj.
school's rubbish now.
reflections have lost it's meaning.
PC lessons are boring and useless.

i dont know how russell managed to tell us his story without crying.
but you're a role model(:
you gave catechism a whole different meaning.
you got me into the whole catholic faith.

i cannot control my inner emotions when i see you.
it's not my fault at all, i dont feel it is.
it's because you started the whole thing.
it hurts so much more.
it affects me so much more.
why ?
because it was you, my friend.

i dont know when i'll change it back.
i give myself the reason "im too lazy".
but i know it's shhite.
it's cause i dont want to remove it.
it's something that'll help me not forget you.
honestly, i dont think i'll forget you.
but im just clutching it tight
thats probably my way of holding on to the memories.
just hoping that i'll not be forgotten too.

i miss those little pep talks i used to have with cho.
of course cass too.
we used to stay back so often
sitting in the canteen till we can start using our phones(:
i'll never forget the look on jia's face when i whipped out my phone.
no worries dear, it's past six.

i like the way you reassure me that no matter how little we talk,
im still remembered.
but everytime i get happy about it all,
there's always that part that spoils it.
im getting used to it.
but as we get further and further apart,
i think i need more reassurance than that.
i feel i need it more.

right now, excos are busy carrying out an operation(:

NOTENOTE: i love my mummy gazillions :D and i want her to know she'll not be forgotten and that i miss her !

shhh, silently we tear, silently we try to hold on to everything.

i cant believe you.

2007-01-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

i cant believe you. i cant believe you. ):

ive changed

2007-01-05T22:56:00.000-08:00

i just made a phone call. by right i should be feeling shhite, crying my eyeballs out. for some reason, i dint. i feel that it's wasted that i missed the chance, but somehow im fine with it. it's probably because i didnt put that as my first priority anymore. during the holidays, it was always put second. so i cant blame anyone for anything. but im really surprised that im not feeling nehneh.

i guess everything's starting to change now. my priorities etc. and i think how i look at things are starting to change too ? man, i dont know whats got into me. probably weizhen's wonderful talk. :D

council has taken a whole lot of my time during the holidays and now cos of the secones. every single day the excos are so worried for the trainees. trainees, if youre not sure please go to the secthrees and ask. i think all the excos have been overworked. one by one everyone's getting sick. andrea felt like vomitting, victoria had stomach ache. in class (just as THL guessed), the flu has been passed to the rest. haha. get well soon people (:

im trying to sort out all the notes. ive to find time to go through all of them.

i just read a very interesting book i borrowed from cheryl. it's so kiddy-like. haha. everything that happened will probably only happen in dreamland or something(: heh. but whatever, it was cute.

yong ni de chi bang fei

im sick.

2007-01-04T03:40:00.000-08:00

those little babies(: the juniors tried teaching them the school song today. guess after a while they decided to open their mouths.

the first day of school was all about getting the secones to know us, to know the places in the school. the discipline talk etc. loads of things the councillors were in charge of. heh.

the day started with mrs THL. as usual, her sarcastic comments and insults. like what gretl said, we're all immune to them already. heh. i think it's so true. but i just love giving her the ohright. whatever you say look. what does she expect me to do. haha. so i just stare back at her everytime she talks about council.

it was mother tongue after that. we got split up. the different groups according to the different chinese standards. i really cant believe that im in group A. haha. class 4C. but am i glad we got fufu ! haha. i look around the class and i get so pressured. the standards that fufu wants of us, shocking. quite tough for me. i think im put in the wrong class. haha. crystal and i couldnt help but think that way.

the first day of school was a wednesday. there was practice. it just felt weird that i didnt have to bother about the timings. usually i'll have to plan what time to leave the house etc. but suddenly i didnt have to at all. i just felt something was missing. my wednesdays always end with practice. but now, guess i'll just be at home watching projsuperstar.

im sick. friggin sick. i actually survived the whole day in school. thankyou my dear stjohns people. haha. geetu ! yupp(: guess it was probably stress. too many things to do and handle. i cant get off my bed. everything's spinning and my head's throbbing bad.

mumster, i just wanna lie on your lap and be patted to sleep. wahaha :D this is random. ahh. miss youu ! wont be seeing you on sundays anymore ): you still owe me massage. heh.

whats forever for ?

they're back from aussie !

2006-12-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

firstly i'd like to say that i hate using my brother's comp. everything is so blown up and big. yuck. the fonts are huge, like as if he's blind or something. everything looks yucky cos it's stretched. okay, thats random.

i missed the party last night ! but i went out with uncle david, auntie suzie, cornelius and charlotte ! haha. man, i missed you guys gazillions(: as usual, cornelius and his crappy and lame stuff. haha. they'll be joining us for badminton today. omg yay !

im still a little cranky. thanks to kleo, tess, sean. haha. go away you people ! but i still wanna play mahjong through the night. i was winning lah damn it :D

okay, ive no idea whats going on now. im getting more and more confused. whats this ? dont confuse me even more. im cranky enough. now everything's in a mess and im trying to put all the pieces together ! it's exciting yet annoying.

thanks to weizhen. thankyou for that talk yes ? it was great great. you made me tearr ! omg, youre really who i said you were. living up to your name huh (:

i love you mummy dearest. i really do love you moreee :D

stoning

2006-12-28T02:52:00.000-08:00

im stoning. im staring into space half the time. omg, thats how it's like when you dont even get any sleep the whole day. i cant believe i actually did that. i survived exco meeting too (: i know i was drifting away half the time but hey ! i managed to get through it. come back and sleep for two pathetic hours. okay, less than that.

i cant stand the crankiness ! haha. im going crazy.

dont get me started on hoping all over again.

christmas !

2006-12-25T00:23:00.000-08:00

oh it's christmas ! a year has passed already.

man, it's so nice to be with my cousins exchanging gifts. hehheh :D i can hear all of them downstairs screaming "PONG". haha(: it's so fun. we ate at some high class restaurant this year. but somehow all of us prefer coming over to my grandma's and just have potluck like what we do every year. we specially requested to come over to play mahjong and cards. haha.

exchange of gifts was so cool! we were laughing and making so much noise. we practically owned the whole place. okay not owned but there wasnt anyone else except us. which made it so excellent. thankyou kleo and family for the gifts ! haha. it's really nice. and i'll put a nice photo in that. i'll turn the heart to make music. haha. it's something that i wanted. so thanks again !

as usual, the creative adults came up with another plan. haha. next yr christmas is gonna be different again. haha. it's exciting, i'm looking forward to it already. omg omg, i love my family ! haha. im not gonna be able to stop thinking of what to get. YAY((:

uncle pat, you want spongebob boxers ? haha.

i thought i was able to go for 1230 mass and go for the family lunch after. but lunch was at 1300. bleahh- i met the choir peeps after 11 oclock mass. passed them the pressies. hope you like the presents ! and and and thankyou to those who gave me pressies. they're greatt !

my cousins are calling me. ive gotta go.

have yourself a merry little christmas.

messed up.

2006-12-22T20:23:00.000-08:00

im going carolling later (: the last one. man, i cant wait i cant wait. haha.

okay, ive vented a whole lot in the last two posts.

mummy, nope. dont like that. it wasnt for you-for you. so i dont blame you for anything. just replying to your tag, yes yes. if i ever need anyone i'll go look for you alright ? i wont blame you for not knowing. sorrye if you thought it was for you, sorry if it hurt you. yeah. thats about it. and you still owe me a meal and a massage (:

haha. i came online just to blog that. i went to my blog and i felt i should just post something up. omg, it's raining now. NOOO. how am i supposed to get to church for midnight mass practice ? damn, im gonna be late. shouldve woke up early to meet mummy, chris and daph for breakfast. haha. then i wouldnt have had this problem ! shhite, it's a passing rain. -crosses fingers.

misery, is what i feel when youre not around.

jack and the beansprout

2006-12-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

jack and the bean sprout's hilarious. it's really funny. i was laughing so many times(: ive no idea how the ang mohs and all will understand. there's so much of teochew/hokkien all spoken inside. loads of singaporean stuff thrown in. it's good !

the rest are just gonna be me talking to myself. venting ! /:

okay the thing is, im not pissed at you. it's not you that im pissed and annoyed at. im just irritated at the fact that there's so many times people has gotta choose between you or i. and it sucks all the more when you're the one being chosen. it happens all the time. some of the people i was so close to actually chose you over me. you cant really blame me for feeling this way can you ? i mean, how would you feel. and yes, stop trying to make me feel so much worse but rubbing everything in and throwing them right at my face. lets see what'll happen next year.

and you, stop it. stop it stop it. there's already so much chaos and irritation and you've just gotta make it worse. because you're the one doing it, it hurts even more. i really didnt think you would do it. if you were gonna do that, then i'd rather you not do it at all. it hurts so much lesser.

im so not like her. i cant act as well. when im pissed, im pissed. and i just stone every single time you ask me to explain. so please, no explanations. i'd rather me venting and getting all worked up. i dont like it tho. ive told myself to try, but it so doesnt work out. maybe not for you, but for me. i feel the gap after so long. we've drifted, we so did. dont try to deny it. you wont feel it, trust me. ugh, never mind. dont try giving me anymore crap okay. dont lie to me. i'd rather know the truth than being lied to. and it hurts even more. youre also another one who hurts me double with those words, those actions. i'll just continue trying to put on a happy and cheery front for you. then there wont be any problems. i'll just be bleeding inside.

i'd never fall in love again.

im pissed.

2006-12-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

high five to yvette and i. cheers ! we are the "im pissed for i dont know what reason" people.

went to coral secondary to watch the band concert. okay, i didnt watch it. i was busy doing work. if there's a need for me to give my comments, im sorry i cant do it. the only times i suddenly look up to the stage is when the band suddenly plays this really loud shocking sound.

when i said it, i totally didnt think of that.

you people can go on giving me the "talk to the hand" attitude. it's not really that important now. im so sick and tired of trying to give you explanations. and i jolly well know you guys wont listen to any bit of it. so you can go think in whatever way you want. it was alright at first but dont you think it's really too much of it all ? now because of this whole thing, everything's so changed. im so sorry for venting on you, trish and cari.

i thought it over and i spoke to cari about it all. but somehow i just know something's wrong. i dont understand why im getting this feeling. but eh, if thats some way to show it, then fine. honestly, i dint think it'll be like that. it seems so okay when it's just not me huh. maybe im just thinking too much, looking too much in between those lines. you cant blame me for that because you lead me into doing it.

there's just so much i wanna say and spill out but im gonna hold it all back in.

im replying but it took me so long. im trying to tell you how im feeling but it so isnt working. i keep typing out the msges and deleting them again and again. ugh, it's annoying. then i give up.

ive still presents to buy, gifts to make, cards to send. it's so shhity.

i thought i told you to stop doing all those work ? youre so not getting the appreciation you deserve. why didnt you listen to me ? seee ? youre friggin getting affected all over again. high five, wanna join my club ? youre always welcome.

ignore me, just keep doing it if it pleases you.

christmas shopping

2006-12-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

this is crazy. i hate waiting hours for the taxi. i hate being asked to wait on the line. where are all the taxis that we have here ? people are in town shopping, get your taxis there. guess some people are still waiting in the queue for taxis that are never going to come. good luck with that.

went shopping the whole of yesterday. it packed packed packed. waited for cab. it took ages to come. there were these three people who had slangs that were standing infront of us. one of them was hot. haha. but man, they were commenting on the taxis. this and that. that totally put me off. the language and the actions. oh please.

today was shopping yet again. met two star idol people. haha. oh yes oh yes, i met gladys and suat leng (spelling) just now ! haha. suat's so tall. you can never miss her. gladys, good luck on the shopping(: just go get that dress that you were talking about. haha.

ate at pasta cafe. omg, they should really go tint the glass. it's so yuck to have people staring right at you eat. plus that woman really couldnt stop looking. everyone else just looks away, people-watch. but that woman had her eyes glued. i know im pretty, but please. wahaha :D go tint the glasses !

bought many many things. i hate squeezing, it's so eeyer. /: i should buy my christmas presents way way before christmas. then i wont have this problem. waited for cab. it was l o n g. but luckily i managed to call a cab. a silvercab(: it was shiok inside. the aircon was blowing like crazy and i used the pullover. haha. i used it today !

andrea passed me the onetreehill dvd. she's still stuck with seasontwo so i got it first. ahhh, im hookkedddd. haha(: oh, im proud of myself. i actually did my homework. haha. -claps.

it was a dream. i really hope it was. i had to make the decision. i chose you. was that a right move ? it was friggin scary. i never want to do it again. ugh. but whatever it is, you're still loved by me. thats for sure.

why is everyone starting to smell the same ? i went shopping and everywhere i turned, everywhere i walked, everyone just smelled like that. it's freaky. or maybe it's just me ?

billions of souls out there. where are you ?

carolling (:

2006-12-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a slack day. went to grace's place and slacked. watched some weird show on tv. commented on the second season of american dragon. it was hilarious (:

today was carolling at raffles. it was actually in swissotel ! oh how i miss the mirrors. teachers teachers, i really dont mind having our graduation thing there, just like this year.

it's so unfair.

i was hyper today. it was just F U N. the yummy food. i dint try the chocolate thing. i really liked gladys's expression when she went "no no no. wait for the choc-co-lattte" that was really good :D i shall not comment anymore. i'll just upload the photos ((:

trisha !

mummy and i (:

KIT !

SEXAYYE :D

mummy and cari

cari cari, BAC !

mummy took this.

this is my first picture with leticia !

hot hot huh (:

sahgu and zeegu :D

ALTOS ALTOS <3

lester

sabbie mummy trishie

a formal one (:

TRISHAHHH and CARISSAAHH (:

SAHGU philip !

trish and i. the lights are nice (:

only you will know. is that a good thing ?

carolling.

2006-12-16T08:28:00.000-08:00

it was a crazy day.

ONE.
waking up and rushing to church for midnight mass practice.

TWO.
planning what to wear that night.

THREE.
planning where to go after prac.

FOUR.
rushing to trish's place.

FIVE.
rushing home.

SIX.
getting ready. trying on clothes. ransacking my whole cupboard, my sis's, my mum's.

SEVEN.
rushing down to safra.

EIGHT.
toiletting.

yes, thats about it. haha. somehow it doesnt seem so crazy after i typed it out. haha. but really, the day was all about running here and there. there wasnt enough time. man, imagine on christmas day itself !

carolling was yuck. haha. the singing only i guess. but we were all too high to bother ! the camwhoring and going crazy in the holding room, MAN. that was fun. wahaha :D i witnessed my dad and my mum both quarelling. you can say it was freaky yet hilarious. they couldnt make me happy and take a nice family photo ): they quarelled and the photo came out cacatly-awkward. haha. but they made up for it in the three generations picture. that looked really nice !

sabrina took a short video of the 'quarrel'. i was helpless. couldnt do anything, just asked them to TAKE THE PHOTO. haha. it was hilarious. the convo was funny. omg, im laughing to myself. SHH ALLY SHH.

some pictures we took ! LOLLS.

mummy and i(:

daddy and i (:

the awkward family photo. /:

mummy, ahlian and i.

gerald didi and i.

melvo !

lovelies :D

im no popeye !

three generations.

look at daddy-oh :D

auntie angie. aka. mama (:

t h e m :D -look at the red belts.

us and santa !

cari and christine(:

philip's behind that keyboard. wahaha :P

philip. THERE(:

the four of us all over again! hehheh.

the crazy three !

i look cacat /:

cari and leticia. cari's highlighted hair(:

SMILE ((:

im lazy. i need to sleep. haha. there'll be more after monday's carolling i think.
hehheh. the bikinis and the dripping water. mummy, lets do just that ! :D

ive got to wake up in a few hours. trisha's worse tho. so i shall not complain. and nevin, if youre reading this, im so sombong(: i'll say it until it gets into your head. haha.

sweet dreams are made of this.

close.

2006-12-14T06:55:00.000-08:00

how does it feel to be grounded ?

omg, how i missed the seniors.
huge thanks to nadia for that little note. it felt good to know that you understand(:
seniors are such crazy people. i absolutely love playing with that toy phone/camera/bubble. i so did not camwhore today !

why is everyone starting to apologise for this and that ? you. dont apologise. i didnt know your apology would actually make me cry.

crazy things have been happening. i've been complaining a whole lot. but i really needa thank my two dearies for knocking sense into me, getting me back on track. soekkhern and weizhen.
though it might seem im irritated by your comments or i cant be bothered with them, im taking all of them in. thanks for the little talks that we've had. thanks for the facts. love you (:

everything looks so polished and perfect on the outside, doesnt it ? but there's always the ugly side of it all. sometimes the ugly side gets shown. it spoils the whole image. ouch. it does hurt bad, i know the feeling. totally.

i get how it feels. now suddenly im seeing everything in a bigger picture. i know how you've been feeling all this while. yes, i know it pricks you so much. and for you, i know why you keep making so much noise about everything. i know how heartpain it is to keep doing and doing without receiving any appreciation at all. it's worse when you expected so much more of it. but instead, what you did caused more hurt to yourself. ouch ouch ouch. just gotta keep asking yourself why.

im practically tearing the paper with the pen. there's so many things to write about, so many feelings and emotions. but it's too much for me to write them down. how i wish everything can be remembered. those feelings and memories all captured in a single photo.

DONT TALK TO ME. im already trying to avoid you.

balancing on that fine line.

p e r f e c t i o n.

2006-12-13T06:53:00.000-08:00

of course it feels good.
BUT.
there's a limit to everything.

i thought i heard the end of it all. yet i had to go through a copy-and-paste version. i couldnt get mad.
c o n t r o l.

dont push it too far. stop using it as a reason to trap me. you know i've no way out once you start on that.

ugh. i just saw that.

it's just a mood swing, i hope. somehow i feel there's more to it.

dont talk to me. ohshhite, it's too late.

man, im being random yet again.

i lost it. all over again.

totally.

2006-12-11T18:20:00.000-08:00

why am i so affected by that. cari help me ! wahaha :D

there's loads to plan.
im meeting the excos practically every other day. if it's not the excos, it's the councillors. omg, there's still two more big events coming up. good luck to us.

carolling pracs are almost over.
we're seeing each other almost every night. guess things arent really going the way mummy wanted it to. was just wondering if there would be carolling again next year. it'll be after my Os. i'll be able to join you guys i guess. after the whole long year of 'parting'. i'll just have to hope and pray. -crosses fingers.

we spent five hours in macs. we did.

it was disappointing.
shouldve asked them how much i was looking forward to it.

stop it. stop it. stop it now.

im so random.

and you, it's only seed.

in a mess.

2006-12-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

i've been busy shhite this whole week.

i need to let everything out.

dont do this to me. not now please.

penang

2006-12-05T01:30:00.000-08:00

im back im back. -dances around.

i saw one tree hill season threee ! omg, but my dad said it might not be clear. bleahh- now i've gotta wait till andrea and victoria are done with it. if not, i'll have to wait till rachael gets it from her sis's friend.

ive decided not to blog about my penang trip. haha. im too lazy to. it's just nice (: i think the hotel has good service. haha.

im going to go outing with my mummy tomorrow. man, do i miss her loads ! haha. i've gotta go get a present for the council christmas party. im praying i dont forget ! haha. i've burst and told cari everything i needed to tell her and knowing us, we always come up with other crap to talk about. haha.

im searching for handphone themes now. thanks to sheryl dearie :D

ohmy, im blogging so rubbishly nowadays. haha. rubbishly. what kind of word ! haha. okay. but yes, really. it's all so vague but it's okay. i just give the main gist of it all. hopefully i'll have more to blog about soon.

everything changed in the wink of an eye. or was it just me ?

boredom.

2006-12-01T01:04:00.000-08:00

im leaving for penang. i'll be back on tuesday. i'll see you all then.

cari. how can you leave me alone ! haha. come back come back.

heartbreaker. heartbreaker.

training.

2006-11-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

training was crazy. my arms and legs are wobbly. haha. so weak so weak. omg. how in the world did i beat my timing for the sprint ? i thought i ran slower than usual and yet i clocked a better timing. on the other hand, i thought i ran faster for the long distance run. but nooo, i ended up slower. what rubbish. haha. coach's watch got some problem. (:

today im just going to slack and snack. haha. going over to sheryl's place later. i need a friggin massage. haha.

this is such a short and random post. im just too tired. yuck. haha. loves !

you understand me, dont you ?

goodbyes.

2006-11-28T20:05:00.000-08:00

loads of stuff have been going on. lets fast forward, shall we ?

grad lunch at swissotel. man, those pretty ladayyes ! everyone of them dressed so nicely. ahaha. ohboy, graduation ! cheryl and i were grading the dresses. haha. that was fun ! walking over to peninsula with crystal and andrea was uber fun too. haha. getting caught in the rain and having ugly spots of water on your stockings. eeyer. /: all the chocolates we ate ! haha. excellent way of wasting time. it seemed like our own graduation. running around taking pictures. tearing with the seniors. omg. haha(: gonna miss you mr j ! your inspiring talks and your wonderful RE lessons.

trng day trng day. blowing bubbles/balloons was great. going through the duties with the trainees ? man, luckily i had jiajia(: haha. spending so much money on lunch. it still disgusts me ! haha. the chair soccer was the best. haha. getting super wet and sabo-ing everyone. forgetting to bring extra clothes was yucky. i had to go through pass it on with water dripping everywhere. the excos were bored. we couldnt find anything else to do so we just picked up whatever was right in front of us and played with it(x spent almost an hour just doing nothing.

went to paya lebar to get our shirts done. we spent nearly two hours trying to get everything settled. the money, the colours, the fonts. omg. haha. we took so long. but we're done with it and im excited to get it now(:

leave me a l o n e.

happy feet

2006-11-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

watched happy feet today. it was super hilarious and crappy at the same time. cant believe i watched that instead of maybe casino royale or something ! but hey ! it's kinda cool. i mean there is some meaning inside it. the penguins are so cute. they really are. just that once they grow old with their bluish heads, they look all slimy. which is kinda disgusting.

walked into the toilet and everytime i see that automatic tap, i remember yvette ! isnt she a lucky girl ? she is remembered by me ! hha. she and her singing. man, i think i was smiling to myself when i was in the toilet. luckily it wasnt crowded or anything (:

all missing things end up there.

confused kid.

2006-11-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

stephanie and elizabeth are friggin inspiring. they're p o w e r. it's funny how different people inspire others. they both mentioned stuff that kinda hit me. they knocked sense into me. man, it really hurt to be knocked right through but guess it'll benefit me later on. thank you.

i just love the excos right now. we have so much (i can say that again) fun together. i really mean it. even though the camp was kinda crap, we did bond among ourselves. and okay, the camp isnt crap-crap but gg through the 'jungle' and all, man. today at kfc we made a whole lot of noise. haha. it's so fun it's so fun. lets do it again. and whats with the excos and kfc ? :D i know what the rest of the excos will tell me everytime i complain about kfc. haha. -rolls my eyes at the excos. LOLLS. headed to macs for icecream and thats when we made even more noise. WAHAHA :D are we good or are we good ? planned the council tee. gosh, it looks nice on paper. hope it looks nice when it's printed. we've made it all plain and simple. since year 2006/2007. haha. mymy. it's so wow, at least to me ! proceeded to design the EXCO stuff. that got all of us excited. i had this tingling feeling going all over. haha. it's been long since i felt that way. all the excitedness. (is there even such a word?)

those familiar faces. it was comforting.

those weird feelings coming back for i-dont-know-what-reason. haha. im stuck myself. i dont know whats happening and why. just trying to fit them into this big messed up puzzle hoping it'll fit in. somehow everything links when i try to piece them up but nothing seems to make any sense at all. so should i just leave it and try to act like nothing's wrong or what ? hahaha. bleahh- i guess i'll work something out. it'll just take time. wish me luck people.

and man, i forgot to blog about the outing i had with the singles. it was good it was good. those fatty food we ate but yet they tasted so good. haha. imagine the amount of weight we're all putting on. -pukes. haha. yeah. it felt good going crazy over step up. the dancing and everything. haha. dont deny it people, we really ate a whole lot. plus after all the icecream, my voice was g o n e. i had such a sexaye voice. yvette, dont go singing in the toilet again. later all the taps dont work. wahaha :D guess the singles all remember that. the minute yvette started to sing, ohboy. the tap dint work ! and wait, using the word singles is so wrong now. we're not all single. shhite. /: what should we call ourselves then ? oh yes wait. the BAC girls. haha.

you've made your point. so have you and you and you and you. so many of you lah. i dont know. just slowly letting all sink in, digesting and registering all the information. give me time. be patient. stop throwing more information on me. it's full.

my nov schedule is packed. so is dec. homework. school. trngday. choir. gradnight. councilxmasparty. farewellcouncil. farewellnball. bioproj. engproj. meetupwithstephsim. meetupwithmrsk. choirxmasparty?. meetupwithexcos. compileDCfile. changefiles. discussduties. planoutSCstuff.

was just listing down my TO-DOS. haha. yupp, guess there's a whole lot but im looking forward to each one of them. loads to do, only left a month. gotta get cracking.

L O S T. tell me bout it.

council camp 06

2006-11-20T05:15:00.000-08:00

ohboy, three cheers for us. we came back in one piece, safe and sound. hooray for us. it was so rubbish. this is so not right. we girls had to go through that disgusting forest slipping and sliding. i guess only zakiah had loads of fun ! "GIVE ME YOUR HAND". that brave soul. :D

the journey there was long. but hey hey ! i slept through it all. the bus ride etc. i loved cheryl's pillow. but shoo away mel, thanks for taking such an unglam pic of me and posting it up (: the first day was kinda fast cos we were running late and we dint have much time to do practical. so most of the things we did were all theory and that got kind of boring after a while. haha. i liked the first aid part tho. it was fun trying to bandage cho's arm. lolls. MAN, swimming and floating about in the sea was fun. no one wanted to get up. and yes keith, im definitely sexier than you are. even mel agrees :D

the night talks the excos had in my room were fun. the laughter and rolling about on the bed. my gosh, everyone cried till tears flowed out. we went up to the second floor with mel and keith. omg, scary. everyone just let their imagination run wild and guess it kinda freaked all of us out. luckily we got back to the room and had our little talk.

my dearest excos(: we did create loads of commotion among the facils and us. hmmm, guess thats something we're really good at. i mean looking back at the famous five etc, it's just hilarious. i think we'll all sit down and laugh about it next year ! haha. all of us stuck together throughout the whole camp, IM SO HAPPY THAT WE DID THAT :D we've bonded loads and i really think all of us took back something from this camp ya ? love you guys.

i cant stand being stranded on an island. im not going to do this ever again. ahaha. but guess it was a sense of achievement ! we survived everything together as a whole team. mel was hilarious. acting calm and normal huh (: anyways, im so proud of the girls who led all of us ! i cant remember all your names but you guys did a great job. -claps.

the shopping was pathetic. but cam whoring was fun. the service is s l o w. there's nothing else i can say about it. the atmosphere and feelings that we all had changed so much. there wasnt the fun and happy mood anymore. everyone started discussing about studies and everyone was seeing which day was free to meet for commitee meetings. jus imagine that. gonna miss the facils and everything we did over there. thanks to way jiunn, all of us were acting like cam whores. haha. he and his waterproof camera. uber cool :D

im sexier than keith.

camp.

2006-11-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

everyone, suck it in(:

im lazy to post about camp. it was crap. it was fun. great way of making new friends. those mahjong-addicted peeps((: i miss camp already. we're going to hang out, we are ! haha.

cheer up single people :D

haha. sabrina and gerald are cruel people, officially. you guys are so horrible. mymy. LOLLS.

environmental talk was fun ! the stick game. that girl who talked to us is so cute. haha.

man, my post is so short. im feeling lazy. there's jus too much to write about everything.

carissa : shoo shoo ! hahaha. heartbreaker huh. hahaha(:

lorry : yes NAW stands for that. haha.

mercyz : MUMSTER. you flooded so much ! i read them all. yes, i cant help you. haha. i dont mind volunteering to help facilitate. oh shhite, no. i dont wanna be up every hour walking around. haha. lets have a pre-camp briefing ! ((:

twofive reunion.

2006-11-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

i absolutely miss that twofive spirit ! :D guess none of us lost that. met amee cho and cass at my house bus stop before going down to sheng shiong to buy the disgusting things we needed for games. after getting the things we needed, took a bus down to cheryl's house. went into the function room to put everything down. headed up to cheryl's house to slack while mixing the disgusting stuffs (x

twofivers of 2005 came and we played. ohmy, it was so fun seeing everyone snatching for the chair ! the number game was hilarious. man, dont you guys love the drink ? :D it was great catching up with deni. deni ! i missed you loads.

cam whore. it was great fun taking pictures (: everyone was running around screaming away. you hear the counting and flashes everywhere ! three cheers for the organisers ! ahaha. xD

thank you to my darlings for giving me a belated birthday present. but it's really sweet and nice ((: i absolutely love it. i know it was like daylight robbery. haha. your msges were so touching ! JJTAN, your msges were hilarious. thanks for making me extra high. CASS, as usual your neat handwriting is so nice. your poem is so sweet. xie le xie le ! CHO, no probs about the words thing. it's exactly like me ! thank you for the times you spent with me too. THANK YOU :D

organisers (:

councillors ! (plus melissa and jjtan)

twofivers '05

izza (x

there are many many more :D too lazy to post them all up.

it just had to happen. heartbreaker.

intense.

2006-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

yesterday was horrid. suicides all the way.

went to amee's place to plan out the games and food for today's party. lets hope things work out today. i'll update more about it tomorrow ? (:

intense. i guess that explains it all.

stubborn

2006-11-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

lets stay stubborn and not let anything burst that bubble we have.

mama de ai you duo chang.

problems problems.

2006-11-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

everyone seems to be having problems right now. cant seem to run away from it all. it's been affecting me. everyone's out there searching for help. i've no idea what to do. they all seem in 'pain'. MAN. it's nice to be feeling happy and free for once. seeing everyone struggle, yuck. those relationship problems. i dont wanna get into a relationship now.

ai ni jiu deng yu ai zi ji.

zoo.

2006-11-02T01:36:00.000-08:00

way to go NAW. we actually survived five whole hours in the zoo. wahaha(: yay for us.

the zoo is so stinkofied. now i remember why i never liked going to the zoo. horrible horrible smell ! weizhen nat and i cant be grouped together, officially ! haha. we three are so alike. okay, that can be good but ohmy, our reactions are extreme ! it was fun i guess. other than the horrible snake part, the horrible fragile forest, the stinko toilets, the flat pepsi. wow, the list can just go on and on. we're one lucky group. we've got one of the easiest topics to do ! (: yes linn, i know i know ! haha.

i love the gift shop. okay just the glowing part ! (:

gotta start thinking of what im going to bring with me for camp. wahaha :D packing's fine with me. but the unpacking ? yuck. MAN ! gonna be missing a whole lot. two camps one weekend after another. hope im not too sick of those long bus rides. need my mosquito repellants. LOADS.

gotta start slotting in those hundred plus plus pictures. ohmy, those memories ! (: LOVE 'EM.

sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind.

one tree hill

2006-10-31T02:59:00.000-08:00

i want the one tree hill vcd. haha. okay, maybe it should be i need. ohmy. went to youtube and watched bits and pieces of it. im hooked. officially. ohmy.

i dont wanna be.

another b o r i n g day

2006-10-31T00:58:00.000-08:00

i didnt want to go to school today. yes, it was yet another boring day. it shouldnt even be called structured lessons. but at least i can feel the horrible boredom that my dearest mummy is going through /: it really is yuck.

to my dearest mummy. haha. you're so bored in school ! i am too i am too. wahaha :D yuppsies. ohmy, im high right now and i just thought of what you told gerald ! ahaha. about getting high runs in the family and how he gets high ! (: WAHAHA. okay, it's rlly hilarious mummy. driving ! you're done with left and right turns i guess. haha. now's parking time. come on, master everything and get your license ! then you can drive me home everytime ! HOORAY. three cheers for mummy. alright. we're taking turns at this. it's good. my turns over. passing it on to you. anw, get well soon ! happy halloweeennn.

ERRR. hey gerald didi. haha. dont get too high alright ? haha. you've gotta control my highness. so if you go high, i also go high, then OHMY. mummy'll just die. wahaha (: there you go. blogged something for you.

i want to watch ONE TREE HILL so bad so bad. they're already showing season four in america ! and spore's not even showing season three yet. whats this whats this ! okay GEN-ER-BEEB, it's me first. im borrowing the vcd first. im already dying. one tree hill's just addictive ! haha. i need the season three right now right now. ohmy(:

for one more day.

goodbye and hello.

2006-10-30T00:31:00.000-08:00

i just read cho's post and i'm glad for her(: we've hooked pinkies already. promise. it's now goodbye sad posts and sadness. hello happy posts and happiness !

guess my grandma's birthday was cool after all. the cousins had one table, the adults had another. ohmy, it was so great. i just loved the talks we had at the table. those army stories everyone had. especially from my sister's boyfriend. haha. it was freaky. i've no idea how the they survive in army. oh i forgot, they're men. we were clinging glasses. having so much fun. i really miss these gatherings. cousins unite ! cant wait for the holiday. it's been ages since the whole big family went out for a holiday. lets go now.

taking photos nonstop. ohman. the korean actor and his fans ! haha :D but everyone became movie stars ! the cousins posing together while the parents were snapping and snapping. so many cameras, so many flashes. no one knew where to look. LOLLS. i didnt want to leave. it's always the case when im with them. i see them every week now. yet i didnt want to leave. my energy never dies off when im with them. i dont feel tired at all. those energy boosters :D

ohman, i love these teenage years. haha. right cari right. okay. im trying to keep the deal cho and i made. going to enjoy these teenage years. going high with cari. doing all the things the older ones cant ! haha(:

sean (:

my grandma and us (x

rachies !

my darlings :D

them.

many many others. the girls united, the guys united. haha. or the spiky hair united ! (: it was great fun.

i wanna be where the people are.

that family.

2006-10-28T00:12:00.000-07:00

i really wanted to blog about many many things. but somehow everything seemed so useless. i mean, all those things seemed to have lost their 'wow-ness'. i read my mummy's blog and i guess it really hit me. HARD. i just started tearing. it's something i'll remember and treasure. mummy dear, i love you too (:

i think my english vocabulary is bad. okay, i dont have to think. it is bad. i'm having so much difficulty trying to express my feelings in proper words. but it's so difficult. i just cant get that feeling expressed properly. it's horrible. i keep repeating myself and i just cant stand it. that impact is not there.

i know you dont get it at all. even i myself dont even get what im saying. that whole feeling is lost. it's so not that feeling i want to put across. i wanna make it seem so wow. so amazing. but it's just almost impossible. the words just dont show how much it means to me. how much it affects me. i'd rather just shut up then. that feeling just sucks. it's not that i dont wanna talk anymore. it's just... i dont know. it's a feeling that i cant express. it's not that i dont wanna tell you. but i find it so difficult. i dont even know how to express it and say it out. when i say it out, that feeling is so not there. the whole meaning just is wrong. is not what i wanna say. you'll get the wrong idea and i dont want that to happen. so yes, just shut up ally. you keep saying stuff. i dont wanna start hating you or anything. it's cos you mean so much to me. you really do. but those small little comments either make my day or just spoil my whole mood. usually, it just brings me down. it just makes my insides crumble. being that annoying sensitive ally again. -slaps.

i dont get how thats better than yours. i dont see how. really dont see how. can you please stop looking at things in such detail ? can you stop reading between the lines ? it's killing you ally. it really is. you're already struggling with so many things. stop it. just ignore them. stop finding more work. it's piling up yet again. dont ally dont. you're just gonna kill yourself with this. just let it go. i know it's hard but yes, let.it.go. you just told your juniors and trainees that they can go to the excos for help. people need your help girl. you cant break down now. you just cant. there's so many things that needs to be settled. all those council stuffs and friendships. friends are waiting for you too. be strong. you just cant break down.

you're lucky. you really are. stop that 'inside-you' from growing please. it's not doing you any good. it really aint.

oh shut up ally. someone shut me up.

that family.

2006-10-27T23:39:00.000-07:00

i really wanted to blog about many many things. but somehow everything seemed so useless. i mean, all those things seemed to have lost their 'wow-ness'. i read my mummy's blog and i guess it really hit me. HARD. i just started tearing. it's something i'll remember and treasure. mummy dear, i love you too (:

i think my english vocabulary is bad. okay, i dont have to think. it is bad. i'm having so much difficulty trying to express my feelings in proper words. but it's so difficult. i just cant get that feeling expressed properly. it's horrible. i keep repeating myself and i just cant stand it. that impact is not there.

i know you dont get it at all. even i myself dont even get what im saying. that whole feeling is lost. it's so not that feeling i want to put across. i wanna make it seem so wow. so amazing. but it's just almost impossible. the words just dont show how much it means to me. how much it affects me. i'd rather just shut up then. that feeling just sucks. it's not that i dont wanna talk anymore. it's just... i dont know. it's a feeling that i cant express. it's not that i dont wanna tell you. but i find it so difficult. i dont even know how to express it and say it out. when i say it out, that feeling is so not there. the whole meaning just is wrong. is not what i wanna say. you'll get the wrong idea and i dont want that to happen. so yes, just shut up ally. you keep saying stuff. i dont wanna start hating you or anything. it's cos you mean so much to me. you really do. but those small little comments either make my day or just spoil my whole mood. usually, it just brings me down. it just makes my insides crumble. being that annoying sensitive ally again. -slaps.

i dont get how thats better than yours. i dont see how. really dont see how. can you please stop looking at things in such detail ? can you stop reading between the lines ? it's killing you ally. it really is. you're already struggling with so many things. stop it. just ignore them. stop finding more work. it's piling up yet again. dont ally dont. you're just gonna kill yourself with this. just let it go. i know it's hard but yes, let.it.go. you just told your juniors and trainees that they can go to the excos for help. people need your help girl. you cant break down now. you just cant. there's so many things that needs to be settled. all those council stuffs and friendships. friends are waiting for you too. be strong. you just cant break down.

you're lucky. you really are. stop that 'inside-you' from growing please. it's not doing you any good. it really aint.

oh shut up ally. someone shut me up.

miracle.

2006-10-26T03:31:00.000-07:00

im glad most of it is all over. that horrible period is now over. -crosses fingers. hope it doesnt come back anytime soon.

yesterday's practice was fast and quick. haha. i guess it was really fun (: probably because she wasnt there ! haha. oh not only that, we sorted out somethings among ourselves yeah ? i guess i felt so much better after letting it all out. haha. cari was getting high. she was just imagining. (i was helping her imagine too !) haha. dont i just love gg high with cari ? it was hilarious.

my mummy does miracles. i just found that out yesterday. all she did was put her hand on my head and i just felt that all my problems were drained off. is she amazing or is she amazing ? she's amazing. haha. i know(:

got back our report books today. the level position and class position werent written down. i like it this way. haha. i think i de-proved (if there's such a word). yuck ): applied for EAGLES. was running up and down, everywhere with sonia and gretl. it was so tiring. i didnt know so many teachers had to sign the form ! wahaha. cleared my locker. as usual, the uber heavy books and files. the newspapers were heavy ! there were ga-zillion chinese newspapers that i chucked in the locker. shouldve listened to amee and brought stuff home. was just plain laziness. history just repeats itself year after year. WAHAHA :D

it's been ages since the four of us went out. really glad that we managed to find time for each other today ! it was great catching up with charms deni and amee. oh how i miss the good old days.

i like mr.j's reflections. i find them so meaningful. why do we fall ? so that we can pick ourselves back up again. i think that's from batman.

if i had one last wish.

those problems.

2006-10-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

today was yet another fun day. carolling and carolling. gladys was sick again. ): she didnt join us in the practice. stayed for dinner. the whole place was quiet. only the clanging of the forks and spoons on the plates ! (: it felt so silent but yet i liked that quiet feel. it was probably then that i started to tone down. then all those horrible thoughts start rushing back into my head. i guess i really need the noise to block off all the problems. yes, running away yet again.

it's those problems that're coming back up again ): ive three people online who're talking to me. mummy ms ang cassandra. yes, ms ang just talked and i have no idea how we ended up talking about problems that we both are facing. that was random. the best part of it all is that mummy and ms ang actually echo each other. so it hits me twice, goes into my head and gets locked up there. -pokes.

i liked the 'resilience' talk that ms scully gave. i just love those very emotional talks ? those that go deep into how a person acts etc. that probably explains why i like talking to ms scully so much. she understands how we teenagers think and feel and can relate back to us. we all had to choose something that describes us. a symbol. i chose the glass. a glass looks so clear and nice on the outside. but it's still holding so much on the inside. there's always a limit to it's volume. it holds until it feels like it cant take anymore and everything just spills out of it. the glass is so fragile and so easily broken. yet many still want to have it (be like it). when there're many many cups around, the glass seems so transparent that people just can miss it. people just look through it. i guess it's really jus how i feel. sometimes so transparent. i'll keep holding everything inside. but yes, there's always a limit to it. gotta try to do what ms ang taught me to do.

if only that was possible huh. only if i can have the joy that no one can take away. only if that can ever happen. i wonder what it would be like.

ni hai hui ji de wo ma ?

christmas already ?

2006-10-23T03:08:00.000-07:00

wouldnt it have been great if it wasnt a conthree attachment but a conone attachment instead ? we wouldve spent three years with those amazing people by now. i really didnt think that carolling wouldve been such fun. honestly, i've never done carolling in my life. christmas was never about these things for me. i cant believe i lived fourteen years of christmas without experiencing such fun. christmas was all about the shopping and exchanging of gifts at my grandma's. i really didnt know there's so much more to christmas. they have constantly been teaching me so many things. i thought that there was nothing more to learn, nothing more to experience. but hey ! there's still so much more, it seems like it's never going to end.

really hope that those army boys would be able to join us ! it was so fun when they were there singing along. they've been doing it for three years now, loads of experience. they'll be able to cover up my horrible mistakes (which i know i'll have many) ohmy, now im into the christmas mood already. everyone was just singing and singing. it was just so nice to hear everyone standing around the piano singing. that unity. it's something so amazing. that was after how many years of bonding ? -thinks hard.

life has really changed after joining this ministry ! there's so much more to life compared to the past. thanks to grace my mummy ! she's influenced me so much and she's made such a big impact on my life. mummy dear, i love you ! (:

today was great. it was father simon pereira. yes he is good ! liked what he talked about during homily. guess many felt motivated to do what he asked us to. i missed the seniors ! so happy to see them back in school again. aretha, thanks for your melted choc ! oh, i need to thank trishala and sueann for their chocs too. they were generous enough to give me one ! haha(: praise and worship was fun. except for that song ! no one knew how to sing it. the seniors were going wild. their enthusiasm was jus superb. seeing them back with us made me feel so relieved. i felt like i had someone to lean back on. trishala was there to back me up. i didnt feel as lost and helpless. the excos were back. they knew exactly what to do. it was just that wonderful feeling of being free. no longer trapped and pressured. just like those two birds that were set free, lets all fly on eagles wings ! (the birds are still flying around in school)

council meeting was short. we didnt go into much detail. there's going to be a recap during the next meeting. with the new trainees. i wonder how they're going to act. i remember clearly how horrifying the atmosphere was during my first meeting. ): yuck. haha. i guess history will just repeat itself. at least it wont be as bad as stephanie's batch ! (i miss you stephanie !)

im trying hard not to be so affected by everything but it seems that im so sensitive these days. im getting so much more sensitive. yuck ): cho ! i cant control anymore. it was a bad choice huh ? -shrugs.

wo he ni shou qian shou shuo yao yi qi zou dao zui hou.

internet's back.

2006-10-20T02:39:00.000-07:00

now my internet has recovered. at long last. : the past few days have been boring without the internet.

it was snormpitle day on tuesday ! stayed back with cho jia cass. it was the usual practice. the little notes, as crappy as ever ! (: but it was really fun. we went really deep deep this time tho. we talked about our inner thoughts. opening up the little doors. i guess it felt quite wrong in a way. i mean, these thoughts should be kept inside. now after revealing, there'll be this weird feeling. people now do know what your inner thoughts are. they might be watching you. yupps. but i guess that feeling faded off as the days passed.

newbies ! we chose them and finalised it all. we did have mini debates for some, but others were either a definite no or yes. those times were easy, but the debates- yuck. : didnt like it a bit. there were some that we kept thinking about. just kept on discussing. yes, those special cases. :D

managed to get a ride home after school on wednesday from my family. haha. it was great. didnt have to waste time ! haha. could reach home fast. thankyou popo ! (: i owe my mummy a treat. haha. she helped me do well in unseen lit ! xD

secondary fourone, you're a funny bunch. you didnt hit your target of 10 paper cranes each ! haha. and please dont use the tables as beds ! lolls.

ive no comments on the post exam activities in school. some were great, some were just plain boring. im really sorry but yes. i liked the talk on 'resilience' that ms scully gave. that was a good one ! some were just talking nonstop throughout. that's their loss. could learn so many things from it. the career talk was good too. today i just felt like doing paper cranes the whole day. time passes fast when we're doing the paper cranes. hahaha. :D it was fun. lets do it more often !

and wisdom to know the difference.

trainees :D

2006-10-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

some of the newbies were quite impressive. especially you. haha. JJTAN and I were so impressed. it was an immediate yes. hopefully she doesnt let us down. i did have high expectations for some of them. probably because of the teacher's views and what i've heard about them. but i guess it might have been the tension that they were feeling in the room. i get that feeling. i've been to ga-zillion interviews. if there's such a word as ga-zillion. :D

the day started with those demoralising papers. ): i didnt really expect myself to score an A but i guess i wanted more than a B. okay, i'm not making sense. it's okay i guess. times like these people just dont think straight. the day just got worse. more and more horrible papers. was quite disappointed in my literature tho. but hey ! "my heart leaps up" was tough. so it was okay.

ohmy. im so annoyed now. my whole mood is not swung back and forth. seeing those and talking to cari and cho. sighs- im so glad that i've them to cheer me up. reading our convo just makes me smile but everytime i click and flip, ohplease. i just cant take it. thats why i keep emphasizing that i think there's something wrong. ): i mean... okay, i dont wanna reveil too much too. it's just what i feel, it's just what i think. it's those times when i sit down and reflect. i think through everything. it's not about people but maybe more about me. i'm weird. im telling you i am. thats a statement. thats a fact. : okay shit. im just... okay, there's just no way to explain and elaborate, is there ? i look at her and her and her. all those people around me. they seem to be all fine. they know exactly everything thats going on. urghh. i need my listening ear. but i dont know how to say it. dont know how to open up. -breaks out in tears. why. this is something i really want an answer to. the questions that're popping in my head. there's just so many whys. there's no way i can get an answer to it. something like a rhetorical question huh. urgghh.

something one of the newbies said "a good leader values other people's opinions" -quote, unquote. yupp. so true. so true. something new huh :D

then she flew away.

love never ends.

2006-10-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

love. it's such a short and simple word yet it's so complicated and difficult to understand.

i just dont understand how it is possible that people think so differently. here we are trying to prove to others that what they say about us is totally wrong. yet there are some out there who do exactly what others say of them. it is utterly disgusting. they spoiled my mood, and i bet they spoiled everyone's mood. stop shouting and behave yourselves. it was so tempting to walk up to them and ask them to stop whatever they were doing. but i guess we just didnt have the right to. we had such big reactions to the news but i guess not everyone felt the same as we did. what can we do ? :

it was fun celebrating grace's birthday. the talk was great. those pictures that we took. the wedding rehearsal we went to. the day ended well.

it was friday that we started getting back our papers. got back lit. amath. chi. eng. chem. some we didnt get back the full papers. oh man, we're all waiting anxiously for the rest of the results to come out. so far it's all average. it's just not good enough. got buck up.

the wedding was great. seeing flashes everywhere. everyone has a smile plastered on their faces. grinning and laughing. it was so fun. i've never had such fun in the choir since i joined. the snapping of the camera. my gosh, it was nonstop. everyone was posing at different sides calling for people to take pictures for them. it was probably just one of the fun days for the choir peeps. i guess i'll definitely be looking forward to christmas. it'll be the next time everyone's cameras will be snapping nonstop. the smart looking guys. coat and tie ? haha. we'll see how it turns out then.

my headache and throat's just getting worse. my head's still feels like it's being squeezed. yuck. i hate this feeling. it totally spoils my mood. went to the doctors this morning and got my medicine. went for mass and i guess meeting those wonderful people just made my day. it was great. spent hours on the computer after. it's not good for me but i was determined to find him. haha. it was tiring and i've still not found him. cari cari, come online hurry ! then we'll try together. yupp. it's so difficult to find. cari tried, didnt work. i tried too.

cari cari we're either colour blind or our matching skills are horrible. you just cant seem to wear matching earrings. i just cant seem to be choosing the correct colours. haha. yes, i know it's creamy-white chris. haha. it's just so weird. i'll try one day. a large round earring, and a long one. haha. we'll wear together yeah(:

im looking forward to the trainee interview tomorrow. hopefully some of them are impressive. hopefully some will give us the answers that we thought was the 'wow' answers. it'll be exciting, definitely. hope my headache doesnt affect my mood.

cheerios ! :D

would you lie with me and just forget the world ?

over over (:

2006-10-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

alright alright ! we did it. haha. all of us ! we're done with the horrifying EOYs. thats it thats it. haha. no more papers.

cari cari ! i wanna show you something ! haha. come online now !

yay it's so fun. everything's over right now. there's much fun and laughter going on around. but there's also those problematic stuff that just drains off all your energy. it's amazing how small little problems drain off everything from you. :

there's nothing much thats happening around. only the horrible exam stress and the gastric flu and the haze. i'll blog when life gets more interesting.

when you left i lost a part of me.

she's the one

2006-09-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

i miss you already ):

today wasnt a very good day for me. i dont know how i should go about explaining it. it was just horrible horrible. of course, it was so nice to see melvyn back ! he is tanner now. haha. ohman, i just thought of gladys's lame joke ! haha. he's always been tanner. but tenor. how lame can you get, auntie gladys ? (:

im happy that cho can go for the SC overseas trip. that really cheered me up. to know that cari could attend twelvethirty, that was cool too ! for cari to go boycrazy with me, that was nice too ! haha. my darling boy crazy partner ! haha. thats right. told you i'd post it up. here it is ! (:

the last day of catechism class. im just hanging in midair, russell ! help me. i told you i'm gonna have problems please. hehheh. but i guess what you said is true. i'm gonna be fine with them*. haha. yupps. my confirmation name is official. now im ALICIA RACHELLE TAN (: hooray. haha. coolness. say RER-SHELL. haha. not the normal pronounciation of RACHEL. haha. yupp :D

lets all mug hard together and hopefully im still able to come online and slack. which shows my studying is going well. hahaha.

we were fine all along.

should i buy that?

2006-09-19T04:08:00.000-07:00

yes chris, you should buy THAT.

ohboy, i couldnt come online this past week thanks to the CAFOUR. bleahh. and there's just too many things to do. the list just goes on, doesnt it ? :

just came back from tuition and please, what i got for the test was so demoralising ! urgh. i cant believe it. eoys are just a week away. -panicks ! annoying lah annoying. okay, i really have gotta stop waddling my time away. yes mummy dearest, i will stop smsing and study. just dont cut my allowance. you could even sum everything up into three words. it's no wonder you're an english teacher. lolls. i know, i know. i should be studying right now. not supposed to be using the comp. dont kill me. i love you truckloads !

today jiajia was just hilarious. kc girls, i bet you know ! haha. "not the last time one" hehheh. i feel so bad for her. it was so loud and clear. plus mrs ng and mrs teo just had to be standing next to each other at the flagpole. so poor thing. plus that cho ! haha. she was laughing nonstop. i was controlling, i saw cho's shoulders vibrating nonstop. EEYER. she's at fault (((:

i missed pat's birthday party. i couldnt go i couldnt go ): i rlly didnt mean to not go okay, i added you your testimonial ! i made you a card (: haha. yupp. i stayed up to do it. see how important you are ? haha. yupps.

sunday was fun and saddening. haha. dont rlly wanna elaborate on everything. will just talk about the chris part. haha. yes chris ! buy that ! that's so hilarious. we were walking out after eating lunch. on the left auntieangieMAMA was choosing her durians. haha. then on the right was the FOURD shop. i was looking at auntieangieMAMA choose the durians. suddenly chris came up to me and asked "should i buy?" i looked at him, then at the durians and said "if you think..." before i could say anything else, chris laughed ! haha. he said "no no. not durians, THAT !" -quote unquote. ohmy paiseh ! haha. he told the rest. lucky gladys was siding me. yay auntie auntie gladys ! haha(:

alright, i seriously needa go off now. ive to start focusing. (: LOVES-

isnt she precious ? truly the angel's best.

ting mama de hua

2006-09-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHAI ! (:

i just love september ! haha. all these birthdays are just so nice ! just that the money's going fast. really fast with all these birthday presents ive to get.

thanks cho for allowing me to let out all those stuff ! i rlly felt that i had to let everything out. it was better ! we actually wasted all those time for nothing. our thinkings were exactly the same lah ! haha. yayy. can lend y0u my shoulder. a listening ear too ! (:

yesterday was just a bad bad day ): thanks thanks to all those who were there to listen to my crap. special thanks to jiajia, samantha, cheryl ! thanks for everything lah. haha((:

today was alright. nball prac was in the gym. haha. it was fun fun ! (: ive yet to go to our school gym so yay ! today we managed to get in there. it was raining and the uniform groups were using the lower foyer. thankyou for having your cca today ! haha. im such a bum. went to the gym and we were doing all our things until coach asked us to do the foot press. he wanted to test our leg power. everyone had to do it. the first time i did it, it was so cacat please. it was just bad. later we got another try and i actually did double the amount i did previously ! (: i was actually doing the other one. coach called it the chest press. so weird ! everytime i start on something he has to shoo me away and ask everyone to do it too. haha. so we did that, we also did leg extension and leg curl. ohmy. my leg muscles are really really lousy.

coach made us try to do the weights to our limit, until we cannot move anymore. haha. he taught us how much we should actually do ! so interesting. something about seventy percent and thirty percent ! so next time i know how heavy the weights should be ! :D we ended earlier cos the sailing girls said they wanted to use the gym. bums you know. after we left, they said they didnt wanna use it anymore ! haha. we couldve stayed in there longer. so in the end we just stayed in the foyer. the secones were playing the scissors paper stone game. maria coach and chiapei joined in i think ! haha. then they played this other game. ahhh, i forgot the name of it ! okay, it's one of those primary school games that we always play. coach joined in. wow please. haha. i guess it's good in a way cos jasmine managed to use the dodging method ! so it trains us too(x

ting mama de hua bie rang ta shou shang
xiang kuai kuai zhang da
cai neng bao hu ta

letters

2006-09-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

letters letters letters. ive been so busy with so many letters ! haha. it's good in a way. helps to relieve stress !

today was alright. i guess the day passed rather quickly. i was all hyped up and energised ! haha. i had many stories to share with samantha. but that bum ! she didnt come to school )): she had her ballet exam. my mood was just spoiled. haha. i totally had no one to go hyper with ! bleahh- so was quiet. haha. but it was good cos i had alot of space to put my books.

thanks to amee for helping me pack my desk. haha. my books were really everywhere ! it was on samantha's table and mine ! had elective so amee was sitting at my table. haha. hooray for that. i came back and was stunned when i started looking for my math book. wahahaha. (:

i think im having food poisoning. it's horrible lah. ): ive abdominal pain now. eeyer. horrible horrible. ):

you ! haha. takkaire yeah ? cannot get sick. cannot. okay, you are already sick. just get well soon alright. i think after you told me you're sick then i get sick. haha. bum bum. your fault. (:

i've been sharing alot alot of things with many people and i feel so much happier and lighter now. it's good to share and be honest with people (: haha. yay for that.

our truest life is when we're in dreams awake

family talk

2006-09-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANNELL(x
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORNELIUS((:

many many september babies. i just went to friendster and checked too ! so happy birthday to all SEPT12 babies yeah !

ohboy, just read something that made me smile (: thanks to you. haha. okay. today the minister of state came. everything was all prim and proper, done up properly. a group of us went down to the music room to mingle around with him. it was awkward. eeyer. everyone was just following everyone, everyone was just going around in groups. it's just plain weird. when we were talking to him, it was horrid. haha. everyone was jus crowding around ! /: never mind, it's over. was alright !

after the minister of state left, i was sitting down talking to a group of teachers. it was just really really interesting to know how mothers think ! haha. we had our family talk. they were sharing their point of view while i debated on mine ! (: haha. it was just cool. really cool. haha. lets have it more often ! i like these talks. (x but i guess it's those once-in-a-million kind. when then will we have such an opportunity again ?

had trng after school. was only five of us. how pathetic. coach still wanted to train so we did. did suicides, trained on footwork. everything possible. it was good in a way. the one-to-one attention we had ? yupp. coach, i still cant spin the ball. it just leaves my fingertips ! we were learning to throw properly. and guess what people, we've been throwing the ball wrongly the whole time. i cant believe it. we've all thought it was correct. and you netballers from primary school, you've been throwing wrongly for lets say, six years now ? haha. it's really hilarious ! (: thats why we cant throw power balls lah. ): we've gotta train to throw like them.

gotta study hard. the classes are all counting down to the EOYs. thats madness, thats crazy. everyone's doing just that while my class, we're counting down to the end of the week. go three-oh-six go ! (:

shattered pieces all over.

schools back.

2006-09-11T03:03:00.000-07:00

i wanted to blog about something. but i forgot. ):

i went for my usual badminton stuffs on saturday. it was tough. my arms ached BAD after that. kleo and i played nonstop. it was so satisfying, the feeling ! i'm going to work it all out next week again. (:

sunday went to church as usual. during catechism we made rosaries. haha. it was so uber tough okay. i hate the knotting. haha. just couldnt do it at all. ): luckily we had marilyn and angeline to help ! (hope i didnt get their name wrong) i managed to finish the rosary in one hour. haha. is that good or bad? haha. we went out one by one to see russell and aunt lucy. i went to russell ! talked about confirmation with him. it was quite cool ! lets have more talks. after mass went for lunch at century ! haha. ate century egg porridge. OHBOY, i like century egg ! haha. ((: lucky i dint choose the la mian. it was oily and all. eeyyerr. haha. ((:

today today ! school reopen, my birthday. haha. what horrible thing. big thanks going out to those who wished me ! (: those wishes totally made my day people !

i dont know the tune to the happy birthday song daddy (:

karaoke-ing

2006-09-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

gonna miss you mel ! takkaire and dont get lost. learn to use that compass please (:

went karaoke-ing with gladys pat grace mel philip sab gerald. met mel at tm and walked around trying to find a nice cap to cover his botak head ! haha. ohboy he looks funny but i'll get used to looking at his head all botak. give me some time. haha.

cabbed down to philip's house and hung around before then walked down to loyang point. haha. we went there and ohmy the smelll ! haha. that was horrible but after a while, i got used to it. stayed and chatted. talked long long talks with grace. ohmy, i love those kinda talks. yes philip. those talks ! haha. it was fun ! pat drove us back home ! haha. said bye bye to mel. ohboy cant wait to hear his stories. haha. i wanna hear stories ! (:

dont make me open the book again. dont dont. it totally freaks me out ! i guess it did bring me such wonderful memories. those memories i'll never wanna forget. but lets see, people are making me relax. im now feeling that i dont have to control myself and hold back anything anymore ! it's such a nice feeling. thanks to you. you really made everything seem so wow. haha. and to your question, i really dont know. i think it's just cos im totally controlling myself ? i rlly wonder what my answer should be. and thanks for that comment. haha. you didnt have to do that you know, but that comment was sufficient. thankyou.(:

PERLINI'S SILVER(x

2006-09-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

yes kleo, my favourite shop. perlini's silver ! haha. or is it perlini silver ? haha. whichever. yes my favourite shop ! hahaha. you get it dont you ? (:

HAPPY BELATED WEIZHEN (:

WENESDAY:

yeah, i've been wishing the belated birthdays ! im so sorry people. but ive not been able to come online so just gotta wish you belated birthdays ! at least i still msg and wish yeah ? haha.

went suntec with my cousin, kleo ! walked so fast until had blister. bum lah she. reach so early ! hehheh. walked around before watching devil wears prada. it was not a bad show. just that i expected much much more ! they kinda changed the story a little. haha. read the book, thats why. half of the book to be exact ! haha. yes, im lazy. we were about to walk into the cinema when we saw this woman using her handphone. she looked so scary especially when everywhere's dark. couldnt stop laughing and walked into the cinema. we made so much noise. haha. sorry peeps ! (: i just adore the clothes ! it's rlly nice. haha. those shades! they're so nice.

walked out of the cinema and we had to walk through some carpark place ! haha. it was so scary ! was halfway walking then my bag strap SNAPPED. okay not snapped but the buckle part broke off ! the whole bag just dropped off ! luckily it was at the ulu ulu place ! hahaha. kleo and i couldnt stop laughing. it was funny. had to carry my bag like a briefcase ! so paiseh ! hahaha. then went to guardian to buy tape and taped the whole buckle part down ! HEHHEH. we went to buy cupcorn and herbal egg. we sat down and started eating it on the bench in the middle of suntec. it was so embarrassing but never mind, the egg was yummy ! we walked around, went to citilink mall. walked around and went to raffles city ! haha. was fun ! i met rena and her friends at gelare.

bought melvyn a little pressie. there was no way i was going to meet him cos he wasnt going for prac. he was going towning ! haha. so coincidental going suntec. so met him, passed him his stuff ! ((: he hasnt shaven off his hair yet. ohboy. i wanted to see so bad ! haha. melvyn, we got telepathy lah. haha. clothes all same same. haha. im no copy cat. not a lousy one ! (: is jus telepathy. and you wanted to msg me ! seee seee ? it's not me, it's youu ! haha. i can just sense it lah. hehhehh.

came home and changed my bag before going for prac ! met sab and was talking until the rest of them came. auntdot did pushups. wowwow((: she actually did ! haha. okay, we went for drinks after that. walked and ran too. we ran, yes we ran. haha. thanks mummy ! you so rock. hahaha. must treat gelare another time yeah ?

THURSDAY:

went for trng. met sam and tree at bedok interchange. went to school and only sheryl was there. haha. waited and hung around till NINE before everyone actually came. gen my darling was an hour late. that bum. haha. ((: so we trained a while. we trained half court and went for breakfast together ! we walked around pp after that and went to play with the toys at isetan. it was so funny ! shaz and sam were playing with the fishing thing ! after playing a while, there was this piercing sound. was this DEEEEEEEEETTTTTT sound. sam stopped, shaz stopped. just to see where the sound came from. after stopping the game, still had the DEEEETTTT sound. haha. then we realised ! was alvina pressing on the keyboard. haha. that was so funny ! she was resting her hand on the keyboard lah. came home and was flooded with messages in my inbox ! going karaoke-ing with the choir peeps later i think. gotta go say bye bye to melvyn. haha. i wanna see you botak melvyn. i really do. hahaha. yeah thats the whole purpose ! (:

forever has no end

environmental champs !

2006-09-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

ICE BALL ICE BALL ONE FOR FIFTY CENTS. -lolls.

that was a good one. whats your name again ? hahaha. went for the environmental champions talk today. spent the whole day there ! ohboy. i was really hoping it wouldnt be some boring talk ! really really was praying. vic and heda ditched us. was only left with andrea and i ! horrible horrible.

met andrea at bedok interchange and cabbed down to the environmental building place. luckily the taxi driver knew the way ! we reached there and were lost. haha. we both didnt know which floor to go to, which workshop we were even attending ! the reception area had two signs pasted up. one was for the motivational and leadership talk. the other was for some skit development and acting skills ! ohmy lah. both like nothing to do with us ! went to both the floors and yeah, we were down for the skit development one. learning how to act ? that's madness ! haha. still, we sat down and just talked until this guy came along and started counting ONE TWO THREE ONE TWO THREE. andrea and i were splitted up. )): i was ONE, she was TWO.

i joined the ONE group ! then they realised that there were too few guys in the ONE group. so i swopped with one guy from the TWO group and i was reunited with andrea ! yayyay for us. haha. the thing is, the TWO group people are all young and really playful and childish and blahblahblah. it was so difficult to actually get down to work and think of the plot please. haha. i know i know, i was suggesting so many different things ! haha. ((: we actually practiced one whole round until i came up with something else. WE CHANGED EVERYTHING. haha. janice, the person incharge, was saying she prefered it ! yay!

we practiced a little and it was still messy at parts but it turned out okay in the end. i think this time it was more disorganised than the last time. this time we came, split up into our groups and spent the whole time practising in our groups and present. after presentation there werent any briefing or anything. we just went home ? haha. it was weird but who cares ! (:

walked to fareast with andrea. was telling her all those stories. haha. so interesting please ! ((: loads of them. went to collect some trial lens for my godmum. took mrt back to bedok. went to buy food and all of them looked so YUMMY. i was really tempted please. hahaha.

ohboy. i dont know what im feeling right now. i feel like slapping myself for feeling this way. i know it's wrong so it's fine. im controlling. im holding them all back. i know i can do it ! jiayou. kambate. it's a doable thing. haha.

yesyes. i find it weird but i just dont wanna say anything. cos for now im fine with it. im okay. it's weird i know. but everything doesnt revolve around me anymore. it's no longer me me me. it's you all you all. haha. so im just a outsider. it's better this way. i find it so much more relaxing. no more that stress. that uncalled for stress.

love you love you may i love you.

it's been a month!

2006-09-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

wowie, what a dead blog ! haha. im actually back here trying to give it some LIFE. haha. ((: okay im crapping !

okay im just gonna be talking about the recent happenings. yes, many things have happened but i dont want to put them all up here. lets just talk about the KBOX-ing with cho cass zhenzhen daryl. it was cho's birthday ! really wasted jiajia wasnt there with us. ): and we actually went so HIGH. i really didnt think that wouldve happened. at first, everyone was quite down. later it was daryl who started jumping on the couches ! ohboy was she high. so exciting please. I LIKE THE FRIED SALMON. IT IS NICE (: haha. i hope the smiley doesnt look that spastic once it's published.

there's loads of things i want to talk about but for some reason i dont know how to write it all out. i guess i've just gotta keep it all in me. lemme start wishing happy belated-s to all those september babies ! (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING CHO !
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARETHA MY OAOBHWMM !

yes aretha, i know i was a little late. only ten minutes ! haha. it wasnt my clock. i was busy finishing up literature homework that i had to hand in on sat morn ! haha. so it's not my clock neither was it me. haha. it was the homework ! blame the homework. oh but who cares, i still wished you ! ((:

teachers day was a success i guess. THANKS TO ALL THE EVENTS COMMITEE AND OF COURSE CRYSTAL. thanks for everything ! well done councillors ! haha. ((: really a good job yeah ? yupps. it was ms ang's last day. now there's no body i can shout HI to ! ): so every morning will be dead like anything. okay. i bet you are happy lah. actually you all. fine lah.

church stuff have been interesting. still interesting ! (: still look forward to every practice and every gathering. it was fun, it is fun. i really love those small little talks. haha. all my big brothers and sisters ! have always wanted a big brother. ((: yupp. and the chocs that grace buys and shares, they're YUM. haha. buy more ! those sunglasses that all of them buys ? nice please. i love trying them on ! yes melvyn, yours is too big for me. hehheh.

okay it's all random stuff ! i'll blog again another time ! but first, ive gotta reply the tags i have !

CHO: haha yes hun. i saw your posts and i was smiling to myself. and i do understand that feeling. you can be posting and posting and nonstop clicking enter. it seems like you've typed a whole lot but it comes out so few ! haha. i get that feeling. but for some reason, everytime i flood yours it just seems so fast that i actually flood. ive got loads of crap to type! haha. and yes yes, you were smiling when i typed his name OPENLY huh ((: yes you typed PP so huge too. i prefer your name. yes CHO ! ((:

HUANG: yeah you're blur ! hahaha. ((:

ANJELLYNA: OHMY. confused tablet ! HMM. i cant buy that for you. haha. you've gotta work for it yourself. ((: you actually had a good time right. but only a small little dose of it. hi and bye (:

CARISSA: hahaha. yeah see you ! okay not tonight but on wednesday. two days from now !

DAWN: yeah ! missing you already. haha. it's been a year ? sighs- come back come back !

SHERYL: yes will link you NOW ((:

kope kope kope ! (:

2006-08-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

OHBOY. I FORGOT TO KOPE. HAHA. (:

saturday night went to play badminton. played at joo chiat community centre ! (: haha. it was quite enclosed. played until all tired ! (: went for supper with my cousins and all. it was so cool. first time i ate that ! kleo and i were standing outside talking and looking at the pictures taken with the actors and actresses. i was looking at the joanne peh picture and at the angle i was standing, i looked in the restaurant and saw a girl who looks exactly like joanne peh. asked kleo, my cousin, if that girl was joanne peh. it was ! how cool. like just when i was looking at the picture ! hahaha. yupp went in and realised that all my uncles and all also were looking at her ! haha. it was funny. all of them trying to remember her name. it was hilarious hearing them trying to recall her name. haha.

ohboy marching today. haha. it was quite well done ! at first they said that it was going to be cancelled. OH MAN. everyone started complaining. we all practised SO MUCH. so the teachers discussed again and again until they decided that we'll just do it. they were worried that the girls will have to stand for the whole ceremony and all. so in the end, there wasnt any march in, just the flag party coming in and the march past. it was short and good. WELL DONE EVERYONE. WELL DONE COUNCILLORS (:

rushed straight up to the gym to get the blazers and practiced my speech. bleahh- was so freaky. i just couldnt concentrate. cos of that. i just couldnt take it. was scribbling rubbish all over the board, was just writing nonsense. just needed to get my mind off it. yeah i guess im quite okay now. phew~ anw, back to the investiture ! haha. we all went up. ohboy how exciting. dyu understand ? haha. the BADGE. how cool. i just ADORE the badge. it's really cool and funkayy ! love the small little school badge there ! ((: -BEAMS. heh heh.

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Did you think that I would cry,on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again
Bury me(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me(away. away, away...)

i feel so so so small.

alice in wonderland (:

2006-08-05T03:29:00.000-07:00

ohboy. just the title makes me laugh. i cannot take it ! (:

it's been a week. the whole week was just packed packed packed. i cant stand it. ive no time for myself ! everyday i've marching etc. gotta hope that everything will be back to normal once this stressful period is over. i guess marching really really takes up so much of everyone's time. we've practices after practices. plus we've the investiture. a short investiture. i think it should be a long meaningful one ! it's the FIRST STUDENT COUNCIL. haha. i copy aretha's way. BOLD, ITALIC, UNDERLINED, CAPS. just that it's not big big. haha. ((: yupp. the first student council's investiture is just gonna be this short short twenty-twentyfive min thing. i guess it's not very nice. but have to make do with it !

marching ! yupp. first time im marching so it's quite cool. haha. there were many many problems during this whole marching thing. for two different groups. -only we know yeah ? shhh. secret. haha. yupp. there's just so many things. im glad it's all going to be over soon ! yupp. hope sanam and weizhen can do it well on that day. i can feel that they're getting so much pressure. scared later they freeze there on that day then die. -crosses fingers. YOU TWO CAN DO IT YEAH ? JIAYOU ((: and for the rest of the contingent people, DO YOUR BEST on that day and it'll be good enough !

yesterday during english was hilarious. nathalie just had to make this comment ! haha. i cant remember what was being said in class then suddenly nathalie said "yeah alice blah blah blah in wonderland" haha. i kinda heard it but it didnt make any sense to me. until weizhen turned around and gave me THE look. haha. i stared at her and for some reason, something told me it's because of what nathalie said. so i rewind and replayed what nathalie said in my head. then i got it. i cant believe i didnt hear it the first time. haha. i turned around and gave nathalie THE look back. haha. i cant believe she even said it out loud ! haha. ((: okay that was random. but it really makes me laugh everytime i think of it. thanks nat ! haha.

yesterday after combined marching practice, councillors had investiture practice. then the excos had meeting among ourselves. im not sure if it was anything about the meeting that made me feel down or the tiredness i was feeling after marching that made me feel down. but when i came back, went online and was talking to the three crazy people - the one and only snormpitle people! it was so cool. haha. cassandra totally cheered me up ! okay it wasnt herher, but her post i read. it was just so hyped up kinda mood and everything. it really really cheered me up. THANK YOU CASS ! so glad for her and the other two wonderful pals ! glad they were there for me when i needed some cheering up ! haha. ((:

im fine today. yay. haha. had to meet the other excos in PP. haha. yupp. parkway parade. okay im hooked onto the ITALIC, BOLD, CAPS, UNDERLINED thing. so just making use of it. (: haha yupp. sammietanlien, my MR.PP, honoured i make your name big big or not? -winks. ahem. okay hyper. alright. went to KFC and discussed about all the stuffs to tell the whole board during the board meeting. ohboy. i cant wait to go out on tues !

ohoh. on friday morning exercise time, usually it's trishala and the others doing it. haha. but this week it was OUR turn. how cool lah. (: okay actually it's not. cos it means that we've to do it properly. haha. cannot like stop halfway and rest my legs. for the first time i felt my muscles BURNING. usually i can feel the pull but not burning. my gosh. it hurt so bad but i couldnt stop.

ohboy. i just read my friend's posts. it totally relates to me. i jus love the song lyrics she put up there. im not sure if she came up with it or it's from a song. i guess it's copied from a song. but ohmy. it totally is the same thing. i just cant believe it. it's just shocking. im so glad at least i know someone knows how im feeling insideee.

i feel like a little girl trying to conquer the whole world.

whoopie whoopie fun fun(x

2006-07-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

today was just FUN. haha. incredibly fun fun. (: okay. i really didnt expect such things to happen after ahem. haha. it was fun lah. ((:

went to church for catechism in the morning. was almost late ! rushed and made it on time. russell was reading my service report. it was super duper long. that poor man. has to read through. haha. but he did it ! (: hooray for him. we learnt about stbenedict. didnt really get what it was all about but i just caught bits and pieces of it. after class went for mass. trisha's tcher didnt allow her to leave the class lah ! but in the end she managed to make it for mass ! yayy yayy. if not i wouldve been the only alto there. ): haha.

christopher was conducting today. was hilarious lah. today they asked the couples to renew their vows and all. behind me, melvyn and philip were following them. wahaha (x bums lah they. then when supposed to hug and kiss, philip move away ! haha. their love so lousy one ! wahaha. yupp. then that was hilarious. after that was supposed to go out with them ! so was downstairs waiting for everyone. walked out to tm and it was such a big group of us ! was like SEVENTEEN of us tgther man ! we totally didnt know how we were gg to fit into a foodcourt or something ! haha. yupp. supposed to have more but melvyn didnt come with us. others too !

ate at cafe cartel. haha. took up three whole tables. no actually four. haha. gerald's whole table took all the bread ! haha. philip's table and our table were like complaining ! wahaha. (x so funny lah. in cafe cartel, there's this weird thing in the middle. haha. it was in the way, really in the way. but we ate.

went to play POOL. haha. i cant believe i actually played lah. thats damn dumb. haha. i cant believe i actually gave in and went. haha. those people lah (: haha. they made me wanna go. then i went. was sheryl, sabrina, gerald, leonard, jonathan, philip. haha. was so funny. we has to wait cos no alley was free and no table was free too. how annoying. but sat on this super fun seat. it can swing, it can stretch. it's like a game by itself ! haha. was enjoying it so much ! (: yupp. then got a table. haha. was supposed to WATCH them play but nooo. they didnt allow me to watch. haha. so it was sheryl, jon, sab, gerald against leonard, philip and me. haha. okay at least i know that leonard and philip are good at it so yeah. sighs-
THANK YOU TCHERS FOR TEACHING ME MAN (:

HMM. hahaha. okay (: it was fun fun lah. later we played in our own table. girl table, boy table ! hahaha. the girl's table is so super slow. haha. yupp i needed help from the guys. LOADS of help. so they had to keep popping by. haha. half the time philip and leonard will be there teaching me ! haha. OH LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP. we had lollipop (: it was so funny when sabrina and i were 'fighting' to turn the lollipop maching for philip. COOLNESS.

okay im home now, gotta start studying to not waste precious time ): will have to start studying now. HMM. it's rlly been such a fun fun day lah ! cant take it. hahah.

you you you. haha. you are like bad and good. one min you do this, another min you do that. sighs- i cant take this okay. it's rlly cool yet very saddening. make me so positive yet negative. ahh- how to survive through this. and you you you. always giving me something to talk and think about. haha. it's good in a way. helped me to realise who're the experts in this area ! (:

when time stops.

PHEWWW~

2006-07-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

breathes in, breathes out.

it's OVER. can you believe that whole tension tension feeling is all gone. i really feel so super relieved ! (: it's really great.

cheryl and i were supposed to do the FRIDAY NEWS BULLETIN and a SPEECH. it was quite chaotic cause i had to practice both in the morning ! so crazy. did the news bulletin and i think it's really good that im doing it cos i get to READ and DIGEST what the news aree ! i usually cant concentrate when the girls make the news. now i get to know what it's all about. i guess today's wasnt very LONG so it was alright ! (:

she is no longer in the school. i feel so lost now. im glad that she was here during the toughest times in KC. i think it was great to have someone there to let everything out ! went to grab something to eat with her and i let all my thoughts and insides just flow out. the feeling's just SO GREAT. i like the feeling of getting everything off my chest you know. it's just such a wonderful feeling (:

there's combined marching tomorrow. then exco meeting. wow it's gonna be a long day. i hope marching will be perfect-ed. its a very nice and satisfying feeling when everyone BANGS together. it's so nice ! hope tomorrow's going to be like that. i really think that the sacrifice made by the secfours is really amazing. they have all their tests and everything, yet they still stay back to train us.
THANK YOU SENIORS (: YOU ROCK LAHH.

now, im trying to stay focused. my class is so hilarious, so funny. especially the people sitting at the back around me ! so cool lah. there's two love-depressed people, two love-experts ! haha. yupp there's many many others. we've a maid agency in our class too. now im used to calling MAM. haha it's such a good way to destress ! hahaha. YAY.

JOY TO THE WORLD. (: LOVE-

high high high

2006-07-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

BOOYAHS (x

at last this is done up. haha. okay it's really been such a long time since i last blogged. i deleted my blog like long long time ago huh. now im back into the blogging mood. lets just hope nothing happens to it so i wont have to delete it again.

many many many things have happened the past month. it's really too many to start writing them all out here so im just going to start talking about TODAY. i was so super energetic today. ive no idea why. im really glad that i was so energetic and high today. now i really understand what it means by feeling so much better and lighter when you're happy. i feel so free. usually when im all moody and tired at the end of the day, i really feel so heavy and tired. it's such a bad feeling. now with this happy feeling, it's just so wonderful ! (: i love this feeling. i'll try my best to be all hyper everyday !

all the new NIE teachers came and some already went back ! it's rlly saddd. i wanted them to stay. it was so much fun with them around ! especially during english and literature. it was so drama and fun when you see the two teachers teasing and playing around. it's quite retarded at times but hey ! haha. it's still very funny. at least it provides comic relief ! ((:

i cant believe i actually survived through an interview with all the teachers. it was just the scariest experience. i think after that, i'll not be scared of interviews. i think the tension in the music room was just rlly scary. i didnt like it one bit. and the aircon felt extremely cold. colder than usual. now i finally realise why the seniors were saying that they arent scared of interviews anymore ! it is so true. THAT look that they give you is just the scariest. i hate those eyes. but i guess im really glad it's all over. over at last ((:

for now, im going to go off ! will blog another time. creating an account for jiajiaLAMETEH. haha. seeyou ((:

LOVE-

renewing (:

2006-07-23T04:27:00.000-07:00

hello ((: at last huh. im renewing my blog. hhaha. alright.